Does this photo make you: a) sick to your stomach or b) hungry?


What do you think about that, bitches? This is a steak sandwich with cheese, peppers, onions and a little hot sauce. I wish you guys could smell it. (They should make an app for that.) Sitting across the plastic red checkered tablecloth is The Daughters. (Mrs. Wife is off camera by request.) They’re eating fried chicken strips and french fries.

There are certain parents out here in the lily white suburbs who wouldn’t think of feeding this kind of crap to their precious jewels. God’s little gifts only deserve the best. They’re not going to pollute their fragile, growing bodies with anything that isn’t from Whole Foods or grown on an organic farm.

Not my girls.

When you attend the Monmouth County Fair, you have to eat county fair food. You just have to. That steak sandwich was so satisfying that I almost bought a second one. Do you know what zeps are? Fried dough with powdered sugar? I wish I had one right fucking now. There was a vendor selling deep fried Oreos but even I’m not that crazy.

While at the county fair, 7-Year Old Daughter got a quick lesson on the potter’s wheel. Shades of Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze in Ghost!


I’m a bit afraid of heights, but Mrs. Wife is really afraid of heights, so when it comes to the Ferris wheel. I have to take The Daughter up. When she is old enough for for roller coasters, she’ll be on her own. I’m an amusement park pussy.


The wheel stopped at the apex and we sat quietly looking out over a sun drenched suburban New Jersey. Daughter didn’t say anything but she had a big grin on her face. What do you want from life?

Has anyone seen my New York City-hipster elan lying around anywhere? It’s seems to have fallen out of a hole in my pocket.

20 thoughts on “Does this photo make you: a) sick to your stomach or b) hungry?

  1. oh, my… had the deep fried oreos at the county fair last weekend. the chocolate seems to melt under the batter… heavenheavenheaven…yeah, so what if they can stop your heart? tasty, deep fried, powdered sugary goodness makes life better.used to have a theory that eating funnel cakes (what you called “zeps”) and riding roller coasters makes you stupid, and develops a propensity to grow a mullet…

  2. I have a weakness for what passes for a replica philly cheese steak sandwich around here.I was disappointed that my boyhood dreams of being a jet fighter pilot and/or astronaut were dashed by less than optimal 20/20 uncorrected vision. Turns out I get motion sick on amusement park rides, so it was never gonna happen anyway.Oh, and who you callin’ bitches?

  3. Leah: I think you might be right. This sandwich is heaven sent.Daisy: We Buckeyes know how important it is to junk up our diet every once in a while.Rob: I’m calling my readers bitches! But I’m just an internet tough guy. I’d never do it to your face.FGS: It might be better in the long run that this classic American delicacy isn’t available in Oz. Having said that, I probably wouldn’t move to Oz if it meant giving them up.TH: I’d say that deep down you actually WANT to eat one of these. Resistance is futile.

  4. It makes me hungry. What doesn’t. While I don’t like the gooey sweet stuff or even funnel cake (where’re you getting Zep from – you’re from Ohio?), you can batter me up some vegetables or cheese or chain saw off some meat from a large slab all. day. long.Oh, and confidential to Daisyfae – The mullets sprout only when you’re SELLING funnel cakes and CONTROLLING the roller coasters, mainly.

  5. Sally: Your mullet observations made me laugh out loud! Thanks!HIF: We saw the pig races too! The girls love it! I wonder if it’s the same outfit? Is that possible? These pics are about two weeks old.Jimmy: Thanks. Just don’t look under the rocks.

  6. Need to clear this up: Zeps, or zeppolis, are balls of dough, fried, covered in powder sugar and served in a brown paper bag (must shake the bag to cover the zeps with sugar). Funnel cake is similar but a lighter circle of “laced” dough, sprinkle of powder sugar, served on a plate. Two totally different, equally yummy, fair foods though zeps are traditionally only found at Italian heritage festivals.

  7. When I moved from deepest, darkest Mississippi to Jersey, I saw signs for Cheese Steaks and I envisioned steaks with cheese melted on them, so I was really surprised to find out it was a the sandwich. In the South we call them Philadelphia Steak and Cheese Sandwiches and they are an entirely different creature than the real thing you have pictured there.I’ll pass on the cheese steak, but I’d like to try the fried oreo.

  8. mmmm zeps. Thanks Mrs. Wife! Though it sounds like zeps just might be someone trying to use that extra funnel cake batter floating in the fry vat, we’ll take your word for it and let y’all back in to the OH now (not that you’d want to go). But if you try to pull something similar with a perogi, like calling it a FLOOM or something we’ll be all over your a$%, and you’re out for good ya hear??? xxoo, Ohio

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