I was in the throws of really enjoying my self-pity when I stumbled across this gem from the BBC:
Former French President Jacques Chirac has announced that he has given away his beloved dog after it attacked him for a third time. (It bit him on his belly!)
Mr. Chirac’s wife, Bernadette, said the dog had been treated for depression after finding it difficult to come to terms with leaving the Elysee Palace.
Hey, do you know what, Mrs. Chirac? Fuck your depressed dog! This is a bad time for me to read about a dog who’s receiving treatment for depression because he can no longer live in a French palace. I am, for the time being, tapped-out of empathy. Bring him here and I’ll give him something to be depressed about. I’ll stomp on his little Maltese paws.
C’mon Universe! Give me a break, would ya? Don’t throw stuff like this in my path right now, okay?