I feel pretty,
Oh, so pretty,
I feel pretty and witty and bright!
And I pity
Any girl who isn’t me tonight.
I got got an extraordinarily short haircut on Saturday. Much shorter than what I’m used to. On the way home, I was looking at it in the rear view mirror and thought I looked a bit like a convict. I dismissed my critique and thought, who’s going to pay any mind? Who’s going to care?
I walked in the house and 10-Year Old Daughter, literally, stopped dead in her tracks and said, “OH, MY GOD! You look so WEIRD!” Knowing how vain I am, Mrs. Wife immediately sprung into damage control mode but it’s no use. Kids speak the truth.
I now spend my time tugging on my hair, trying to get it to grow quicker by pulling it out of its follicles. It’s a losing game.
I meditated on this latest deformity and realized that although I am fit and healthy in the broad sense of the term, I have a host of annoyances that are indicative of growing older. To wit:
- The day after I go for a run, the bottom of my right heel hurts. I’m hoping it’s because I run in old shoes and that it’s not something more serious, like a bone spur. Whatever the hell that is.
- When I walk up a flight of stairs, my knees crackle like a bowl of Rice Krispies right after you pour milk on them. No pain to report.
- I pulled my left groin muscle last summer. It still hurts during my pre-workout stretching routing. Otherwise, I don’t notice it so much.
- I used to be able to drink coffee by the potful. Before we were old enough to get into bars, we’d sit in coffee shops and consume inhumane quantities. Today, my digestive system cannot cope with more than a cup or two per day.
- My left shoulder has slight pain. I think it’s because of the ergonomics (or lack thereof) of my desk space at work.
- I don’t know if it’s the lighting or the monitor but if I work on our PC desktop at home for more than, say, :20 minutes, I’ll get a massive throbbing headache and my eyeballs will pound for days afterwards. Each beat of my heart is a punch in the head. This is a serious problem.
- My right hand used to cramp up into a claw because of carpal tunnel but I taught myself to manipulate a mouse with my left hand, so this is no longer an issue. I’m not sure what I’ll do if my left hand decides to shut down.
I may have a murderously short haircut but at least it’ll all eventually grow back (albeit, with a little more grey than I would like). So I’ve got that going for me.