What a useless emotion. You can’t use it as motivating force. You can’t build or repair anything with it. It’s the leech of all emotions. And yet it’s an ingrained part of our human nature. Why hasn’t it been phased out via genetic selection? I just read an article that said the DNA of cockroaches has been altered so that sweetness is no longer an appealing flavor to them. They figured out that poisons are baited with sweetness, so over a few generations their molecular structure changed and they now avoid anything sweet. Brilliant! Why hasn’t envy been genetically torn out by its roots?
I walk up 6th Avenue and it seems that everyone swirling around me, darting in and out of expensive hotels and restaurants, riding by in hansom cabs, well manicured, well dressed, youthful, are all more successful, smarter, happier, together than I can ever hope to be.
I went to the drug store next to Carnegie Hall to buy eye drops. The druggist was chatting with a very pretty lady in front of me. They knew each other. She lives upstairs in Carnegie Towers. She’s back in New York from her home in St. Moritz. It wasn’t a boastful conversation. It was all perfectly civilized. They exchanged pleasantries. Seemed genuinely happy to see one another after a long separation. I felt a hole open in the floor and swallow me.
As I get older I realize that certain things are never going to happen for me. I envy the young and their wonderful naïve sense of limitlessness. I know this is all a terrible illusion but I have to acknowledge it. It’s a whispering voice. Human nature.
I feel the sense of possibility
I fee the wrench of hard reality
The focus is sharp in the city.
My human nature feels a lot like Ugo Rondinone’s Human Nature exhibit looks. (Now through July 7th at Rockefeller Center.)
Nine giant stone figures stand sentinel in the plaza.
There’s something beautiful, sad and majestic about them.
Each stone weighs around 30,000 pounds. They had to do an engineering study to insure that the exhibit didn’t crash through the sidewalk.
30 Rock, indeed.