Mad at myself
for lacking ambition.
Mad at my alarm clock
for going off at 4:53 a.m., M-F.
Mad at sex.
More trouble than it’s worth. There’s always a price to be paid.
Mad at Lay’s potato chips
for being spiked with a mysterious addictive ingredient.
Mad at myself
for not jogging enough.
Mad at my sister-in-law
for how she treats my wife.
Mad at my wife
for [***redacted***].
Mad at my 12-year old daughter
for entering the argumentative/hyper-sensitive years.
Mad at Vladimir Putin
for fucking up Ukraine.
Mad at Uri Ariel
for fucking up Israel.
Mad at Nuri Kamal al-Maliki
for fucking up Iraq.
Mad at twitter
for posting ISIS taunts. Why do they do that?
Mad at wealthy people.
Because of them, I can’t afford concert tickets anymore.
Mad at myself
for being so jealous, jealous, jealous.
Mad at religion (ALL SECTS).
The source of the world’s misery.
Mad at the gay couple at the beach
for wearing bright, canary-yellow Speedos. My children don’t need to see your junk. A little discretion, please.
Mad at the woman who cuts my hair.
If you’re such a ‘Master Stylist,’ why are you working at Cheap Kuts?
Mad at my old job
for not hiring me on staff.
Mad at my new job
for mistakenly thinking I’m smarter than I am.
Mad at gas.
And I don’t mean gasoline.
Mad at my commuting bus pass
for costing $430/month.
Mad at my bus driver
for using the back of his hand to steer a bus full of suburban lemmings going 60 mph down the New Jersey Turnpike so he could text.
Mad at the dog
for acting like a dog.
Mad at Amazon
for blowing up bookstores. Bastards.
Mad at white people
for acid/techno/house music.
Mad at black people
for rap.
Mad at myself
for not attending college. (An oldie but a goodie.)
Mad at social media.
You don’t have 200 friends, okay? Stop it.
Mad at mobile phones.
A bigger threat to civility than Al-Qaeda.
Mad at this stupid blog
for yanking me out of bed at 3:25 a.m. to write this post.
Not mad at:
My 8-year old daughter.
Still so sweet and innocent.
New York City.
Shelter from the storm.
Exile on Pain Street 
Just glad your not Mad at me.
You don’t make the hit parade. Not even close! In fact, you’re the antidote. See you in August.
Glad I can be your drug of choice.
Actually, my drug of choice involves two perfect cubes of plastic with spots on each side.
Oh dear…someone needs a hug. Or a swift kick in the shins. Happy to oblige, either way.
Yes, I’m a little frazzled. A little. Frazzled. Waiting for the wheel to turn…
The wheel will turn.
Sometimes it runs right over me!
Get out of my head! Seriously, some different scenarios here and there and I would have written the same thing.
We think we’re alone but we’re all singing the same song, aren’t we? It’s enough to give you
HOPE
At least you’re not a walking wall of apathy. Then where would you be? I figure the numb will make wonderful fuck-offs in the next life and this, buried in nothing but the wafting gas of their hyper-blanched existence; but you feel some anger, well that’s something you can’t even buy in a forty ouncer of rye. And it tastes better, until you vomit in the morning and wonder why you look so scarified, so haggard. Prices to be paid for everything. Every action, every indiscretion, every inaction, every savage step into the abyss. Holler “hey yo” and step off, I figure. Liquor up first, or whatever else. Blare some music. Hug your kids.
And now I’m mad with you. But you’re in NYC, and I’m right here (you know the place), and so you’ve one upped me for several lifetimes. Karma is a sunny-side up egg sizzling on the hood of a rusty car as two tight-bottomed guys get it on inside, but little do they know that there’s a bus headed their way…
I won’t win the Apathy World Cup but I certainly have my moments. And you’re right, actually, Thank god for the anger. Thank you for that. I saw a production of Eugene O’Neil’s The Iceman Cometh and in one scene, a man is crying because his discovered his wife was cheating on him. But he wasn’t crying because she was cheating. He was crying because he didn’t care. He was completely void of any feeling whatsoever. So you’re right. I’ll take my tantrums and anger over emptiness any day and twice on Sunday.
Also, if you can’t see from above message (which I give even odds to), I love this post with the fiery hot intensity of… fuck, I don’t know. I just do.
Yes, I’m a people pleaser. That’s what’s always been said about me. I give it to the masses. And just LOOK how far it’s gotten me. I’m on top of the world, ma.
Yeah, well, those empty douchebags with nothing to say can suck my Canadian-sized cock, hairballs and all. The top of the world is reserved for the extra-obese, and yeah, money can’t buy you happiness and yes it may nevertheless buy you a nice car to pull up alongside it, but how far that really gets you…
No one cares about the people who give it to the masses. They’re just so full of shit it’s a wonder they don’t wear toilet paper.
People who say money can’t buy happiness have never been poor. I mean, really poor. That’ll change your views in a bloody hurry.
Dude, I will never forget the day I opened my cookie tin (one of those big black ones) and took all the change I had in it to the bank. They charged me like 5 bucks to cash it all out. I walked out with $65 bucks or something. It felt like I had given away every penny I would ever own, and I did everything possible not to spend that little bit of cash in my wallet. I fucking starved for that $65. And the douchebag prof I was working for had the nerve to tell me about the awesome new wireless internet system he had just installed in his house.
The terrible dichotomy is that I’ll do everything I can to prevent my family from going through that but, I believe that having grown up *aham* economically challenged, shall we say, gave my siblings and I some perspective. Nothing I’d want to wish on anybody, but you can extract some good from that lesson. You can also feel like a hopeless loser, especially when the phone is turned off, so you’ve got to be careful.
I can’t believe that bus driver!! That makes ME mad, and I wasn’t even there. Clever post. Hopefully by writing it your temper’s been tamed.
I was sitting in the front row of that bus and my knuckles were WHITE from holding on so tight. I was bracing for impact and, believe it or not, too stunned to say anything to him. Thanks for your kind words. I love when a writer, writer compliments me.
🙂
Wasn’t there any “How am I driving?” on the bus, or any police number to report this guy? As far as I know, NJ has a law against handheld devices, and I’d normally wouldn’t say anything, but this is a bus full of passengers, and a veritable murder weapon even if empty.
Not to mention roaming rates apply on the NJ Turnpike. YES, I called to lodge a complaint. They asked me to forward the pic. I asked if he would be fired. They said yes. I couldn’t do it.
You do know I’m known worldwide as THE Madhatter?
I rarely get mad these days. I’m still not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.
>:)
I go through these periods whereby all I am is pissed. But, thankfully, they never get too serious and never last too long.
Nice to see you, pal. You’re one of the old ones and it’s good to see you. Hope you enjoyed your holiday.
It was a 6 hour drive but worth every minute. 🙂
Six hour drives can be cleansing and cathartic. Esp where you live.
You’re mad and you’re not going to take it anymore. It’s good to get mad and get it out of your system. So much is wrong these days, but it doesn’t mean you can’t yell about it. I agree with your mad list on many counts! And that is one expensive bus pass. I always look for things to make me laugh. That seems to help.
That’s right! I’m Peter Finch without the talent. Or money. Or fame.
Do you know what makes me laugh like hell? Clips from the Jimmy Fallon show. I’m serious. Take a look at this beauty and tell me if you don’t feel better afterwards. It friggin’ killed me!
Love Jimmy Fallon! I got to find one for you now! This was great. I loved when Kevin knocked down that sign. Maybe you should ride a roller coaster. You get to scream all you want!
I hate roller coasters. Hate, hate, hate. I’m nervous because my girls are coming of age (coaster age, that is) and they’re about to find out their dear old dad is a flat-out coward.
I must have watched that clip at least a half a dozen time already and I laugh just as hard each time. The best medicine! Laughing + bitching.
I think you’re just a little bit too much wrapped up in your own head.. I’ve never seen your wife, but I can easily imagine that she is fairly O.K. and your children are more than quite pleasing, so where do you find the time to kvetch . Everything outside the house is out side the house. Everything inside is different.
OH, do you think?! I most certainly live inside my own dumb cranium too bloody much. But, as they say, the first step is admitting you’ve got a problem! So true. This is one of the ways I attack it. Bitch, bitch, bitch. Then I feel better. I really did wake up in the middle of the night to write this, by the way. All that mess was jumbling around inside my head so I thought as long as I can’t sleep, I might just as well get it all down for public consumption.
Buckets of rain, buckets of tears Too many buckets comin’ outta my ears.
Great post. ‘Cept it’s “Ukraine,” not “The Ukraine.”
Buckets of blood, too.
Thanks, very much, for the proofing edit. I’m on it! I always appreciate when people do that. That, and tell me I have something stuck in my teeth.
If you see texting drivers again, take a pic and send it to the company. Seriously.
Hope you find a way to not let out all drag you down. I’ve got my own remedies for that frame of mind. Most of them involve reminding myself that I’m not dead.
Half the fun, and most if the recovery, is in the bitching. Flex that muscle.
I’m going to (another) play tomorrow night. Actually, a musical, which is rare for me. Cabaret. It’s about the rise if the Nazis in Berlin. That’ll cheer me up. Not.
So was Cabaret any good?
Alan Cumming was fantastic. In the movie, Joel Grey played the MC as a mysterious harlequin. Cumming played him as a malevolent demon. He and the dancers in the chorus were covered with bruises. Their costumes were torn. Cumming had needle tracks running up and down both arms. A dark specter, a memorable performance. Worth the cost of the ticket alone.
Michele Williams is an accomplished actor but I hated every choice she made. She made Sally Bowles seem mentally ill, which isn’t what Kander and Ebb intended. I was moved during “Maybe This Time,” which is the only time in the entire show when Bowles is looking inward and being honest with herself, and she turned out a fine rendition of “Cabaret.” Otherwise, not much there I’m afraid. A fine supporting cast, but the stage really caught fire when Cumming was on it.
You saw Alan Cumming in Cabaret. i’m quite happy for you. “mad” happens. the trick is to minimize how long it sticks around – and you’ve found a means to vent your spleen, so hoping today was better…
That was cathartic. At least I hope it was.
I try not to get mad, not because I think I’m above it but because it simply makes me feel terrible, physically and psychically. Who has time for self-inflicted pain like that? The thing with you is (and I know you so well!), you’ll write these things and then, bam!, you’re noticing these small things around you that make you happy, which I guess is what you did at the end here. You’re really good at finding and sharing the marvelous and strange. You just need to make that not-mad list longer. Going to a play! You kidding me? Cabaret? In New York? You lucky bastard!
Enjoyed this.
Thanks. Do you know what makes me feel better? When I see someone call you Rosemary and you take it well. It doesn’t happen often, but it always makes me laugh. I try not to post too many rants. I’m afraid I’ll chase everyone away. But once in a while it’s delicious fun to indulge. Plus I feel better afterwards. Bonus.
Yes, Cabaret tomorrow with the wonderful hatchet-faced Alan Cumming as the MC and Michelle Williams as Sally Bowles. Not my typical Tuesday night. I feel better already!
I’ve made a career out of bringing other people happy via my personal humiliations.
Life is a cabaret, old chum. But you knew that already.
I’ve gotten more mileage out of being self-deprecating than pretty much anything else. People respond to it. We all feel beat-up deep down. It keeps you grounded, too. Nobody likes a narcissist.
So, umm, if I comment, does that also make you mad? (this definitely falls into blog and social media categories) 🙂
You’re the first one to point out the blatant hypocrisy of this post. I saw it after the fact but decided to leave it in to show what a dope I can be. You should get a prize.
I had to look up who Uri Ariel is – you’re well informed about Israeli politics! His party is small, so I’m surprised he has the power to fuck up Israel!
I forgave black people for rap after seeing the character Krazee Eyez Killa in Curb Your Enthusiasm.
I just read about that nut Uri so he was still fresh in my head. I’m not as politically astute as I seem. They made me approve your comment again! How many times do I have to tell WorsPress you’re not spam?! I can’t play the video right now because I’m on BUS.
Well vented. I’d say more but I’m afraid i’ll make you mad. $430 for a pass?!?! Holy shit. I only pay $98 here in Ottawa. And that bus driver – a quick e-mail with time and place and route # to their office would soon stop that.
In all fairness it’s $400 for the bus and $30 for the monthly parking pass, but I bundled it. You pay a quarter of that and Ottawa is much prettier than New Jersey. Or so I imagine it is.
I’m not mad. I’m just tired. Sick and fucking tired.
Same thing. To-ma-to/to-mah-to
Oh, I must not know what mad means then.
Well, of course you do. We are each describing states of discontent. Easy, brother. I’m on your side.
Sometimes people reap what they sow That said, we have the right to complain about the harvest.
That picture of the bus driver is just the tip of the iceberg regarding driving while texting. The cost of that bus pass is more than the total of my car payment and monthly operating expenses of my vehicle.
I’ve always equated the cost of my bus pass to a car payment except NO CAR. JUST THE PAYMENT. And you can get a nice car for $430/month! Not like a crappy used Pinto or anything like that!
In New Jersey, texting while driving is mandatory, despite there being laws against it. Thanks, as always, for your comment.
When your mad stops, then you’ll really be worried about yourself, right?
I hear your mad loud and clear.
Do you think that bus driver will catch the crap he deserves? Great picture.
I called the bus depot to bitch and the dispatcher told me to forward the photo and he’d be immediately terminated. I couldn’t do it! I was laid off in December of 2009 and I know what it feels like to lose a job. I didn’t want to be the one pushing the launch button.
Ah, yes. I was laid off in January 2013 and feel the same empathy. There has to be some way to have him see the picture, let it sink in, and maybe he’ll stop doing that freaking dangerous driving.
Unfortunately, as I stated above somewhere, texting while driving seems to be a requirement in New Jersey, despite laws to the contrary. It’s not just that guy. I see it ALL. THE. TIME. It makes me mad. Madder.
Idiot of mass (transportation) proportions.
dear brother, please send that photo in. that driver had your life in his hands, along with every other person on that bus. let’s not even think of the other cars on the road. he has a responsibility and he is failing at it.
re: you rant. i hope you feel better now for getting it out and now knowing that you aren’t alone when it comes to allthefuckinghtingsthatpissyouoffinthemiddleofthenight. my boy said a lot to me when he was here, but the one thing that stayed is “average speed, mom! everything works out in time.” i’m now in week 4 convalescence (recovery has another meaning these days.). xoxoxoxo
I do feel better! Thanks! I usually keep all that complaining to myself but once in a while it’s great fun (not to mention a great relief) to just get it all out there. Sorry, audience! The devil made me do it.
I can’t turn the pic in. He’ll lose his job. I can’t seem to get past that. I know what it’s like to walk in the door and say, “I lost my job today.”
Getting up at 3:25am for any reason, even writing, maybe especially writing, is enough to make me mad at the entire world without the help of a texting bus driver, religious bigotry, and all the other maddening things. Here’s hoping that, now the venting’s done, you’re sleeping like a baby.
All of this crap was rattling around inside my cranium and I thought, what the hell, instead of just starring at a dark ceiling, I might as well get up and type it out. I went back to bed and started to fall asleep just minutes before my alarm went off. It FIGURES. And, thank you, I certainly have slept like a baby since then. These episodes happen infrequently, thank goodness.
Wow, my dog didn’t even wake me at 3:25am to go out, and I’m mad at almost all of those same things. Hehe. Whew. I think I better go find something to calm me down now. Thanks for vent central.
Welcome! Nice to see you. Please wipe your feet.
I walk around thinking that my anger is irrational but it turns out I’m in good company. Imagine my relief! Get yourself a little pastry. It always makes me feel better. It might work for you, too.
this just popped up in my email! of course, NOW i have to get dressed and go buy a “little pastry!” 😉 xox
You’re welcome! As always, no charge.
Hehe, chocolate usually does the trick for me.
It could be worse. It could be whiskey. Lots of folks go that route. Get yourself a Dove Bar.
Righteous. Dare I imagine that you might feel better now that you’ve written it down?
Hell yeah! Works every time. I’m all vented out. Like I’ve been shot full of holes.
Ow.
The good kind of ow. Like…you know…a spanking or something. Brain freeze from a frosty treat.
I’m glad you found something to be not mad at at the end. You pay more for your monthly bus ticket than I earn in 22 weeks, I got my calculator to work it out.
Hi. Nice to see you, as always. I’ll bet you get a hell of a lot more satisfaction from your $400 than I do from mine. It’s a measure of value, not amount, that counts in the end.
Sounds like I do. A quarter of it and some labour got me a plot full of vegetables that should see me through the winter, with some more labour spent. I don’t get to see Cabaret though.
Well, there’s that to consider I suppose. I’m quite lucky in that regard. Blessed, really.
You are!
i went to see a film tonight. Britain’s National Theatre Company records productions for those of us who don’t have easy access to all the live theater we need… “The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time”. Go see it live. i’m not mad that i can’t see it live. Try to add a few more items to that second list tomorrow…
Those National Theater broadcasts are fantastic. They’re so popular that the Metropolitan Opera is starting to get into the act. They routinely broadcast operas. I’m glad you attend those. Pretty damn close to the real thing. “The Curious Incident…” is on my A list for this fall. I hope it transfers well. That doesn’t always happen.
Ah….the best pieces are the ones that drag us out of bed. I feel a lot of your madness up there.
Mad at my wife
for [***redacted***]. – see how wise you really are 😉
I put this out in the ether and it turns out a lot of folks feel the same way about some of the exact same things. What a relief! I can’t say I feel normal, but I feel less bent.
I don’t think my wife read this blog anymore–she’s bored by it–but I didn’t want to risk it. She cooks my food for me.
I wouldn’t assume he’ll be fired just because a customer rep told you so. If the bus line is unionized he will have access to legal representation and the complaint will have to go through a formal process. It’s actually pretty tough to fire unionized employees. Even if not unionized the employees likely have business and legal representatives who can advocate for them. Either way that’s a very unsafe driver jeopardizing many lives including yours! He should know better.
I’m torn. He’s actually a really nice guy. There are a few other drivers who are rude, angry, Huns who I’d gladly turn in. I’m trying to live with the thought that this is an isolated incident. Am I kidding myself? Don’t answer. I think I know.
I’ve been angry and annoyed lately too. Want to trade your 12 yr old for my barracuda of a son? Imagine Stalin as a computer geek, and that’s him.
My complaints about my daughter are all false puffery. She’s an incredible kid. Healthy inside and out, loves to read, good to her sister. I’m very, very lucky. I’ll pass on your generous offer!
the wheel’s not gonna turn dear.
you’re gonna have to find a way to turn it.
aaaand now i’m ‘that’ asshole.
You’re not an asshole! Why would you say that?! Believe it or not, I appreciate the advice. Someone has to snap me out of it.
I’m trying to think of what I am mad about… it’s Sunday night and I took tomorrow off of work so it’s hard to think of anything.. hmmm
Mad at my brother’s back
because he’s had two surgeries and it’s still screwed up
Mad at my Sister-in-Law
because she stupidly refused health insurance and now she has health issues and won’t go to Dr
Mad at allergies
for showing up in my late 20s
Mad that I refuse to wake up early
I think it would change my life
Hope some of your madness dissipated since the writing.
Don’t be mad! Be glad! No work tomorrow? What’s better than that?
I’m sorry to see those around you causing all that angst, but it’s good to see your holding yourself together quite nicely. And, thanks for your good wishes, but my anger dissipated almost immediately upon committing it to the internet. That’s what this posting stuff is good for, mainly. I’m typing this from my backyard. The fireflies are coming up out of the grass in great hordes. Weather is fine. All is well.
Don’t worry, the menopause will soon be over and then you will feel better.
Sx
Is that all it is? I thought it was something more serious. Thank god it’s just biology.
Is that all it is? ALL IT IS???? *Slaps Mr Banish with a week old kipper*
Sx
In some cultures, that counts as foreplay.
Something bothering you honey?
I hit a landmark birthday and it’s really eating my guts up. I need a vacation.
Mad at my wife
for [***redacted***].
Ain’t that the truth? But – as always – God (or whatever Good you believe in) bless little girls.
P.S. I’m here to binge! It’s like seeing your life as a little comic flip book, the way your mood and focus change over the time I’ve been away. Prepare to have my name all over your notifications queue.
Listen…I know what side my bread is buttered on. There’s no reason to air my dirty laundry with my Bride in a public forum. I don’t need the attention THAT badly.
Unless it gets me FreshPressed. Humm….