A meandering group of morsels whereby I judge myself and others.
Baby’s first Coke.
Actually, I’m betting that’s not her first. Do you know how you’re not supposed to think your better than anyone? Or talk bad about how other people raise their kids? Sometimes it’s hard not to do that.
“Don’t hate all rich people. They’re not ALL awful. Believe me, I know some evil poor people, too. We need SOME rich people: Who else is going to back our movies or buy our art?”
John Waters
Rhode Island School of Design commencement address
Thanks, Mr. Waters. I needed to hear that. I’m so consumed with envy and self-loathing that I’ve developed a nasty predisposition for disliking someone simply because they have a lot of money. The first step is acknowledging the problem. Then you can attack it, reet?
I saw my pretend girlfriend Mary-Louise Parker in Heisenberg. It’s a fantastic male fantasy about a scrumptious, troubled, young woman who finds comfort and salvation in the arms of a much, much, MUCH older man. It’s enough to fill you with false hope.
I’ve seen my Mary-Louise in a few plays and she really knows how to work a stage. She knows how to play crazy and emotional, too. Real tears when required. It’s in a small, black box theater where the actors perform just steps away from you. It can heighten the drama, but it can also be disconcerting. They get into your personal space. Thankfully, I controlled my almost overwhelming desire to stand up and introduce myself to my Mary-Louise and try to charm her.
Here’s my favorite news story of the day.
When I first heard about LastPass, I wondered about the wisdom of keeping all your passwords in one central location on the cloud. The Black Hats will always be a step ahead of the White Hats. Sorry.
Currently at the Schoenfeld is Helen Mirren as Queen Elizabeth II in The Audience. It imagines a series of meetings between the Queen and her various Prime Ministers over the years. Mirren won a Best Actress Tony and deserved it. Opening this fall, right across the street at the Music Box, is King Charles III.
It’s transferring from London. It’s a fantasy in which QE2 dies and Charles becomes king. Once enthroned, he becomes a paranoid monarch and dissolves Parliament. He rings Buckingham Palace with tanks. A palace coup is orchestrated by Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge. I. can’t. WAIT. The play is written in iambic pentameter. I hope to figure out what that is in time for its October opening.
Between these two plays and Wolf Hall, the five-hour drama about Henry VIII, you’d think my Anglophilia would be placated. Well, it’s not. I’d get a cab to JFK and hop on the next London-bound flight if I could.
“My point is, fear of failure forces you to push yourself.”
Cody Keenan
White House Director of Speechwriting
NYU commencement address
Fear of failure can also send you under a rock for a few years. Take my word for it.
Here’s the new consultant we just hired. He sits about four feet away from me. He likes to rest his gigantic belly on his desk while he eats (which is constantly). He’s like a baby gorilla who requires a feeding every :60 to :90 minutes. That bottom shirt button is begging for mercy.
Please spare me any lectures about fat-shaming or how I should be more sympathetic. That son-of-a-bitch is making my workday a living hell. All day long I hear a symphony of chewing, burping, lip-smacking, slurping and crunching. The air is permeated with a noxious stench. Every morning he eats an omelet that smells like dirty underwear. Who can eat an omelet every day? Its foul essence lingers in my sinuses until noon, when the next odor offensive is launched. He seems blissfully unaware that he works in an open-architecture environment and that his behavior effects everyone. Or, he’s aware and doesn’t give a damn.
Isn’t that nice? It’s summer sports camp season here in the quiet, safe, lily-white, middle class suburbs, and violence is the metaphor. Proud papas send their little boys off to learn the meaning of WAR or to DO DAMAGE (presumably to other little boys). Do you know who shows up to these games? The same guys who scream at the coaches until the veins in their necks burst.
It’s a damn good thing I didn’t have sons. I am ill-equipped to raise a boy. I don’t hunt or fish or camp. Can’t fix a car. Never played a sport. And I believe teaching this kind of aggression to a little kid is immoral. But I don’t dare voice that opinion to anyone. Christ. What am I doing out here, anyway? I’m a complete misfit.
Exile on Pain Street 
Hey Mark! Neat post – I like the shotgun approach ,something for everyone. No doubt your daughter has had the country’s official drink – sugared water. It’s everywhere,there is no avoiding it. We had the same issue with violent video games and R-rate movies when our kids were young. They would get them at sleepovers and visiting friends and such even though we banned them. All one can do is their best and leave the rest up to the universe. You’d make a fine Dad to boys Mark – I have similar feelings as you do about violence and sports and I did fine, Boys will get you involved in what they want. I ended up as timekeeper on his hockey team and driver for the team and third base umpire for his baseball team,etc. I still have the marks on my forearms from line drives (I do manage to get my arm up in time to keep my face from getting hit).
I too have an affinity for the monarchy Mark. There is something attractive as well as politically positive about a monarchy. Granted if you get a bad ruler you are screwed. But if you get a decent or even moderately good ruler, you get decisions made for the next generation instead of the next election cycle. And you get people who cannot be bought as rulers and you get folks running the country who haven’t fought for the power. They know they have it and always will, so the quest for power is a non-motivator. Personally, I think a constitutional monarchy has a lot of positive aspects. I look forward to your reviews of the coming plays.
I too am very suspicious of “the cloud” and trust nothing to it. As far as your co-worker is concerned – good luck, you need it.
I enjoyed this post Mark. Thank you.
Hello, Paul. Another thoughtful comment. Thanks!
I’m not saying we’re perfect parents. We’re far from it. We’re too strict and need to loosen up a bit. But we never gave our kids soft drinks and didn’t keep them in the house so now they don’t really have a taste for them. Same thing for pre-sweetened breakfast cereals. So we’ve got that going for us.
I wonder if this aggressive war-like posturing is a purely Western contrivance? What strikes me as funny is that the area we live in is so comfortable and soft. It’s the most un-warlike place to live but they embrace that mindset. It’s idiotic.
The Brits should be happy about their monarchy. They don’t really have any power and they bring a lot of capital into the country via tourism. What do we have here in America? The Clintons and the Bushes. It’s not the same.
My co-worker is a consultant. I’m hoping his contract isn’t renewed. Hoping.
As an aside Mark, I just did a guest post over at Cordelia’s Mom http://cordeliasmomstill.com/2015/06/22/comedy-by-winters-moon-guest-post-by-paul-curran/comment-page-1/#comment-11674 If you have time to drop by, I would be honored. 😀
Love the meandering collection of thoughts. May dreams of Mary Louise overcome the smells and sounds from the nearby cubicle.
I find when I focus on one subject, my posts tend to prattle on too much. These short bursts are more conducive to blog reading, in my mind. I assume if people want to read something long and thoughtful, they’ll pick up a classic novel. Not turn to someone’s blog.
Mary-Louise is 50 years old and you should see her float across the stage. It’s like watching a mist appear. Did you see her in RED and RED 2? Great popcorn movies.
I haven’t seen Red movies … so thanks for the recommendation! This post parallels my Opinions in the Shorts.
RED is a Jim-dandy rental. An all-star cast fucking-off for a paycheck and having loads of fun in the process. Won’t change your life, but perfect for a Thursday night.
Most enjoyable post!
Thank you, doctor. Always nice to hear from you.
I love your snark. The consultant pic was hilarious.
I try to tamp down to snark to acceptable levels. Too much snark = shrinking audience.
Consultant just sat next to me. Is in the process of shoving his morning omelette into his pie-hole. Do I sound obsessed? My wife says I am.
Just be your snarky self. I’m sure we can handle it.
And yeah, you may be obsessed.
You’d be obsessed, too, if you saw what I’m looking at right now.
I consider my snark part of my boyish charm.
It is totally part of your charm. But I think it’s manly 😉
And yeah, I have a sensitive nose and am amazed at how irritating people can be with omelets, cologne, etc…
When launching my charm offensives, I consider my snark one of the most important weapons in my arsenal. Worked on you!
Totally did. Like a f*cking tractor beam. And then snark in person? I’m completely helpless.
Except that time you said I was perhaps a man. But you dug yourself out of that one.
You keep bringing that up and I keep trying to forget it. That’s called a dynamic!
I’m honoured to have a dynamic with you 😉
Seriously…the pleasure is all mine. (To be continued…)
I disagree with that statement in the first paragraph of your comment. The snarkier I write, the more my readership grows. Go figure.
Snark begets more readers?! Damn. My science is all wrong, as usual. I’ve never had a head for numbers. Snark, maybe, but not numbers.
All I know is my Spam-Bam Thank You Ma’am series is quite popular, and my alternate blog, Not Cordelia’s Mom, is getting new readers faster than my regular blog. But then, maybe I just have weird readers.
Weird writers beget weird readers. Just sayin’.
That’s OK. I don’t mind being considered a weird writer if it gets me readers, so long as it doesn’t get me stalkers (unless they’re also readers, in which case that might be OK).
I have it on good authority that Charles III is very good… although I’ve not seen it. Why on earth is The Audience of interest on Broadway? I never understand the American desire for all things royal when sometime around 1776 you woke up, like a log of other countries at that time that really why should someone rule just because of who their parents were?
Well one on Wolf Hall – call me a philistine but frankly one of the worst books I’ve ever tried to read. I gave up I found it terrible but it wins prizes and accolades galore… but simply… I don’t get it.
Anyway – have to say the best thing was the brilliant celebration of the signing of the magna carta 800 years ago this week with… loads of the royal family there… oh the irony…
You CANNOT GET A TICKET to The Audience. The run is sold out except for the “premium” $300 seats. Those’ll eventually sell, too. We love the monarchy. We’re jealous. And we especially love Helen Mirren. It’s a perfect storm of American envy. My understanding is that Charles III is a pretty insulting piece of theater. The royal family doesn’t come off well. That’s fine by me! I’m not a purist.
My boss also couldn’t get through Wolf Hall. Too many characters. Too slow a pace. That’s okay. That’s why they invented menus. We all want something different.
My problem with it was that I just didn’t feel the writing invited me in and gave me lots of hooks to associate with and tempt my senses. I just didn’t get “into” the book and I mean that pretty literally. With others in a few chapters I’m in there, I know the scenery, the setting, the feel, noise, the smells with this one about 30% of the way through I realised I was never going to get there and laid it to the side.
Always bail out on a book if it’s not working. Life is too short as it is.
So I take it you’re not looking forward to the third installation? 😉
Nope – I bought the first two together at a discount and that was a deal that went south
Now, I’M angry! I think we could all use a hug from a non-threateningly attractive, decidedly younger woman.
You should have seen the way she fawned over this OLD MAN. She was charmed by his Irish brogue. Oh, brother! Wait until she gets a load of my snark. She’ll be putty in my hand.
Now I’m trying to think of who my imaginary girlfriend would be. Way back when it was Jessica Lange. My first truly serious girlfriend was Lange-esque, so bully for me. But this is too easy; who’s your man-crush?
Why, YOU are, Ross! Duh!
That’s what they all say.
Eating in the office is a bit of a no-no. Do you have any pregnant women in the vicinity? If so, perhaps you could get her to be sick and blame it on the smells emanating from your colleague, and then the powers that be might think about a food ban. Just a thought.
I’m with you regarding cloud storage and passwords – an accident waiting to happen.
Sx
That gives me an idea. I’LL vomit and blame it on him. He’s so gauche. Completely lacking in social graces. I try not to judge but I’m weak.
As for the rest of your post – love it!
I thank heavens almost every day that I work in an office with a door I can shut. It makes my day almost bearable.
I shouldn’t be surprised by those sports team signs in suburbia, considering what my neighborhood is turning into. What wrong with regular baseball and football camps, anyway? I find it very sad.
When I was a kid (here we go) mom kicked us out the door and told us not to come back until dinner. There wasn’t all these organized intensive instructions. It was all pick-up games.
Been meaning to tell you I thought about you and your love of Bruce when I was in Germany and my mom kind of forced me to watch this video of Martyn Joseph doing a house concert in Portland, covering One Step Up — I like his commentary about Bruce’s songwriting if you have the time/patience to make it through.
I agree–those signs for baseball camp are ridiculously aggressive. We continue to send mixed messages to our boys: you must be kind, peaceful, and respectful to all and you must be tough, aggressive, and ready to kick some butt. Ugh.
As for the password site, I, too, wondered if that was such a good idea. Glad I didn’t sign up for one. I don’t write many things down the old-fashioned way, but my collection of passwords all go into a hand-written password book. No hacking that. Unless there’s a fire…
Re: the sports camps. I don’t know where all the anger comes from. We live in a completely docile and peaceable community. What’s with the references to doing physical harm? Why go there? That’s what those kids are going to think sportsmanship means.
The funny thing about passwords is that they did a study and despite the fact that people are on high alert for internet hacks, they almost never change their passwords unless prompted to out of necessity. If everyone were that concerned, they’d swap out their passwords every six weeks. But, let’s face it, that’s not practical.
No, it’s not. I don’t change mine that often, but I do mix them up from site to site and use a variety of letters, numbers, and symbols, so much so that I will never be able to remember them myself.
The mixed manliness messages ain’t just directed at the young…
Ain’t that the truth? Like, I have to feel bad about myself because I don’t play sports, hate camping and don’t know the difference between a carburetor and a alternator. Thanks, societal stereotypes.
Dude, you’re letting your emotions show! Tamp it down! Repress! Repress!
Agreed.
That consultant needs to be more respectful. Constant smacking and snacking? Yuck.
The cloud. I’ve never really considered clouds to be secure.
I agree that the young boys are getting major mixed messages.
I live in Canada. We have a queen. When she departs this mortal coil, I hope that whatever government we have will grow a set and allow us to choose not to have King Charles III. Here’s wishing. 🙂
That dude needs a lot more than a trip to Manners Camp. He’s a bit of a misfit and can’t make any personal connections at the office. Believe me…you can be the most skilled at what you do but if you can’t fit in, you’re toast, which is exactly what I’m hoping. I don’t say that with a cavalier attitude. I don’t wish ill on anyone. But I’m being negatively impacted and something needs to be done.
You guys are so lucky. Do you still have the Queen on your currency? They’re mostly figureheads now. Just there for fun. I think they can generate their own income now, can’t they? Or are they still a tax burden?
You have a great name, btw. You sound like a spy or a Sommlier.
Yup. She’s on our money, in our public buildings and frequently sung to (“God Save the Queen”). She’s a big military referent – Royal Canadian Air Force, etc. We don’t subsidise her any more but she and her family cost a lot when they come for visits. Which they feel obliged to do on a regular basis, especially for military stuff and particularly the lesser ones. Going to the colonies, what ho! Gotta buck them up! Our present PM is a big monarchist.
Thanks. 🙂 I’m not a spy (isn’t that what they all say? 🙂 ) but wine is another matter. 🙂
Sorry for the delay in commenting on this piece; I am sitting at my desk and had to finish my lunch (tuna!). Oh dear. Does it make it better that I have a large office, that my desk is far away from the door and that that door is shut? When else would I be able to read blogs but at lunch?
I am with you on the love of all things British. The first time I was ever in London when I was 16, I was in Madam Toussaud’s. At the end of the natural tour is a room housing figures of the royal family. Just as I caught my first (distant) view of the Queen, I heard a little boy shout out “Mummy! Look! There’s our Queen!” He had such pride in his voice. Back home, Nixon was president …
You have *gasp* an actual DOOR?! Oh, so LUCKY. And such a braggart. But we all knew.
Yeah, who’s OUR Queen. We need a Queen. I think Leona Helmsley was the unofficial Queen for a while. (Does Queen of Mean count?)
I assume you’re enjoying the Trump announcement as much as I am. I am PRAYING he makes it to the first debate. His ego is like a black hole sun. It will suck all the seriousness out of the room. He’ll make them all look like fools.
They ARE all fools!
I have a door in lieu of an appropriate salary. And my office is WAY outside of the city. If I were in DC, I would be in an vent.
Bravo! Generous applause all around!For the writer, snarky and sweet and for all the comments.The segue is perfect.
I’m ‘way down the list so shant repeat what’s been said, though if I did I’d probably say just what Paul (#1) said.
And thanks for the tip on “Red.”
The comments are more entertaining than the post! They always are. That’s the fun.
Temper your expectations for RED. Fun cinema but a big wad of bubblegum.
Baby, we’re both drowning in First World Problems. i’m writing this while sitting on an inflatable donut because i broke my ass-bone in the water park of a cruise ship while farting around in the Mediterranean. NOBODY gonna feel sorry for my broken ass…
Oh, and Mary-Louise? She’s still MY pretend girlfriend. You keep your thoughts clean and pure, ok?
I am heartily sorry to hear about yo ass bone. I hope you heal quick. But if you’re going to bust yo ass bone, can you think of a better way to do it?
I think our tug-of-war with Mary-Louise Parker goes back quite a few years, doesn’t it? I’m closer geographically. So I’ve got that going for me
I looked at the picture of your colleague with the gut and could not quite figure out what I was looking at but initially, I thought he had some type of deformity and lacked feet. Thank you for clarifying it was just an accumulation of omelets massively stuffed inside a shirt. This morning my colleague, Godsend, drank some unscented kale juice concoction for breakfast. She’s slender, extremely likeable and has my back. I wish I could clone her for you. Milton and I are seeing Helen in The Audience in less than ten days! We’re going on his birthday.
Well, it IS a type of deformity, if you think about it. As I type this, I’m about 1:30 away from my daily snoot full of omelet. This is all going to come to a bad end. I just know it. I’m going to try and setter my daughters away from working that involves an office. I spend the majority of my waking ours looking at–not my wife or children–but an eating machine. What kind of life is that?
I think you’ll like The Audience. The end of the first act is an eyefull. That’s a good birthday gift.
Yikes! She goes full frontal? Don’t answer that!
We’re COMPLETELY on the same page about how we spend the majority of our hours. At least I work with pleasant, inoffensive colleagues. I realize that’s a plus in this big bowl of negative.
Hey, I just got your other email. Thanks!!! As for my email, you have access to it whenever I comment on your site, if you ever need to reach me privately. I’ll keep that great tip private. Again, thanks!!!
I hope you find the ticket discount useful. How else are regular folks like you and I supposed to enjoy the theater? Even off-Broadway tix can run $75-80 bucks.
Did you see Brantley’s review of ‘Guards at the Taj?’ He loved. I did, too, but I wouldn’t recommend it to everyone.
P.S. As far as Mirren going full frontal, perhaps you’ll want to rent “Calendar Girls.”
If you had a son he’d be the artistic type, teaching himself to play the guitar and writing constantly in his notebook. Mary-Louise is a small-breasted beauty. I’d like you to walk up to her and tell her how many of her plays you’ve watched. Then you could say “How about you let me kiss you shoulders and we’ll call it quits”. Maybe she’d laugh.
I lost a lot of girlfriends to guitar players, so I suppose that’d be okay. He’d be moody, too, I suppose. Maybe he’d lock himself in his room and listen to old Cure albums. The scent of weed seeping out from underneath the door. Thank goodness my daughter would NEVER do that to me. Right?
The play with Mary-Louise starts with her walking up behind that old man in a train station and kissing him on the back of his neck. You called it!
next time i’m in london, i’ll send you some postcards. xoxoxo
(that’s all i got right now, sweetpea. charleston is but 2 hours from me. i know that church. in fact, it was just outside where we met, then candidate Obama. looking at those signs for sport sign up just rocked me because the leap to violence is so easy these days, not only in word, but deed. i don’t know why i tell you these things when you’ve put together a wonderful melange…be well.)
Guns, guns, guns. This country needs an enema. Someone shot-up an elentart school and nothing changed. This won’t make a damn bit of difference, either. That’s because ALL politicians are COWARDS and WHORES.
MLP is an elf. That’s right, she’s not of our race. I look at her and think Elf Queen. That said, I’m pretty sure your consultant buddy could eat her, and probably will if you don’t keep feeding him, so do the world a favour…
I have a boy. He hates aggression, and I am so proud of that.
Holy Jesus that’s perfect. An elf. You’re right. She’s 50 for cryin’ out loud! How do you look that good at 50. Survey says: you need to be an elf.
Does your son hate aggression because of how you’ve steered him or because of the DNA he came coded with? Is it nature or nurture?
She’s 50???? What the…
I think my wife. One of the gentlest, calmest souls on the planet. Must be in the genes, though I think the nurture part plays a role.
AND she’s got two children! She doesn’t look anything AT ALL like the 50-year old moms out in the New Jersey suburbs where I live.
All of the best qualities my daughters possess are due to my wife. What a messy mess they’d be if it were just me calling the shots.
I read both Wolf Hall and Bring Up The Bodies, but didn’t know there was a PLAY called Wolf Hall. I’m assuming it’s the same plot-line? I cannot get enough of stories of Henry VIII or his ill-fated wives. My husband had to drag me away from the Tower of London when we were there last fall. I think I scared him a little with my obsession.
For some reason, my extreme interest in Henry doesn’t carry over to his daughters or the rest of his bloodline, although eventually I’ll run out of Henry VIII reading material and have to work my way down the family tree.
The two novels were the source for the play. They were adapted by Hilary Mantel, the author of the novels. It was divided into two parts. Each play was 2:30 long. You could see each part on different nights or (as I did) see them both the same day. Part 1 was a matinee. Then, a 2:00 dinner break and then Part 2. It was a very satisfying experience, especially if you enjoyed the books.
You have no interest in Elizabeth I?! Her rein was just as compelling as her fathers. She gave us Shakespeare, after all.
I guess I’m partial to Mary Tudor, even though she turned out to be raving mad, and I blame Elizabeth for turning over the throne to the “Stupid Stuarts”, as my history teacher called them.
When I’m finished doing damage to the coach while eating my daily omelet I’ll respond to this post. Burp. (excuse me)
Oh, that’s wicked clever. It’s like you ran a needle and thread through the different elements and stitched them up tight. Nice.
Why thank you. 😉
A little something for everyone in your potpourri post. I can just see you stopping the performance and introducing yourself to that actress. That would make a great scene in a movie anyway! About your consultant co-worker, maybe you should put a little sign in the corner. Not like the sports signs, of course. Just a little reminder for peace and quiet and you can put in visuals of no chomping or burping. Yeah, that’s going to go over well, reet? Good luck with that. That would drive me nuts. I have boys, but I don’t agree with that kind of signage. It doesn’t have to be like that to have good competition and good sportsmanship! Just the opposite. Kids are smart enough to understand. It’s the parents who are stupid!
Technically, I COULD hang around after the performance and stage-door the poor thing. People do it to get their Playbills signed but I could do it to launch my charm initiative.
Re: the consultant. Or I could just wait until his contract expires because they’re not going to renew it. I need patience. [Missteoked “feed” for “need.” Huh.]
The guys who run those camps are like the evil sensei in The Karate Kid.
Loved your dance post. Loved it.
I hope you can manage with the consult. How much longer before he expires? In the meantime, you can dream of your actress or at least of devising ways to “meet” her or er…charm her. I’m sure you will.
I’m glad my kids don’t like sports. I have one who plays water polo, of course, but it’s really a different kind of sport. I think people typically show good sportsmanship. The worst I saw of it was from a husband (the coach) and his wife (spectator); kid was in pool on the team! The wife flared up, the coach started shrieking, then the entire team exited the pool with heads down, towels wrapped around them…in the pouring rain. Oh, what a scene!!
Thanks again! That’s sweet of you to mention. 🙂
The consultant eats CONSTANTLY but he eats healthy. Fruit. Nuts. Yoghurt. So he won’t expire anytime soon. HA. Get it?
I enjoy these little collection posts you do, it’s like picking up a magazine and flicking through. That coworker would be enough to drive you to insanity if it went on for too long! Can you imagine years of that? The office I’m in consists of me, and the three people I manage – we all eat at our desks, but we’ve all checked beforehand that we’re happy with that, and whether there’s particular things that anyone doesn’t like the smell of etc, plus we have nice big windows to open if we want to air it, so it all works out fine! Your situation would drive me nuts though.
I didn’t know that password storage cloud thing even existed but I’m pretty sure I would never have trusted something like that. Why can’t everything just recognise us? In the future they will look back and laugh at us for having all these passwords that had to be memorised, or noted somewhere.
I’m a bit shocked by those aggressive sports camp notices, I don’t get it! The messages seems to be the complete opposite of good sportsmanship.
I wish I had a nice, big window to jump out of. Seeing as how I’m on the 50th floor, we are unable to open them. If things get bad enough, maybe I’ll just throw a chair through one. Actually, I could throw his sandwich out and maybe he’ll chase after it.
I’m hoping they develop thumbprint technology so they can do away with passwords entirely. Link the thumbprint reader on your iPhone to your bank account. No password needed.
Those sports camps are the worst part of American culture. We’re a violence-loving, gun-toting nation.
Thanks, as always, for your smart commentary. Your comments are more entertaining than some full-blown posts I read. (And write!)
My son uses a thumbprint to gain entry to his phone rather than a password, so why couldn’t that thumbprint recognition then be transferred to online access? I guess it’s not fully developed yet, but we must be nearly there?
Therein lies an investment opportunity. If only I had the cash and/or technical know-how. As usual, I’ll have to sit on the sidelines and wait for someone else to invent it.
There are some legit reasons when people are overweight but there are also many excuses, in a culture that promotes instant gratification and pushes garbage down our throats it’s easy to end up like that guy in your office, it takes discipline and effort to get in shape, last week i played beach futbol with a bunch of 20-somethings in 90 degree Caribbean heat, after the game (in which i scored a blinder) one of the guys asked me how old i was and i told him i was gonna be 45 in September, they couldn’t believe it, they thought i was no more than say 35 which at my age was quite the compliment, must be all that healthy living from my youth… and remember Todd Marinovich the QB from USC? raised on health food and trained to succeed, guess what happened when he finally got his first Big Mac and soda? he ended up strung out on smack and blow…
My mom was always kind of big. It was a cultural thing. She was Italian with old-world Italian parents. For them, FOOD = LOVE. She did it to us too. The more you ate, the more love you felt. It ain’t healthy.
I haven’t been to the Caribbean in a decade. It’s the by-product of having children. You’re lucky that you didn’t have to put that on the shelf.
So Big Macs are a gateway drug? I can see it.
This might be my favorite post of yours! Is that really a first coke? I’m shocked, and also ashamed because I know Anna probably tasted coke before her second birthday…I’m so jealous you get to go see live theatre with regularity, but I love to hear you talk about it! Your dumbass consultant needs to have a warm sandwich thrown at his head. So rude. Totally agree with you on the violent metaphors on those camp signs. What happening to the “playing” in sports? Good grief. Excellent post Mark!
Hi, Molly! It’s nice to see you here. I have no idea who that kid is. I saw her drinking that Coke and thought it would make good blog fodder + I could feel superior, so I snapped a pic. If I didn’t enjoy the theater so much I’d question why I still live here. So much of it is awful. You’ve got to take advantage of the good stuff to offset the horrors. As far as the signs are concerned, I’m betting those are not meant for the kids. The target audience is pencil-pushing dads who want to feel bad ass or want to brag that their sons are bad ass. Either way, I disapprove.
Hahaha okay gotcha : ). Yes NYC is a tough city – kudos to you for appreciating the good things it offers…I bet you’re right about those signs – for the pencil pushers – ha!
Now I am sitting here in a conundrum.
You see, I am an Anglophile, but I am an old married Anglophile. I’ve lived in the country and married an Englishman, so I have none of those BBC costume drama romantic notions about what is over the Pond that many Americans do. I could tell you a more complete story or leave you with your fantasies.
I don’t know what to do.
HI! I had to approve this comment, which means it’s your fist visit. THANKS for popping over.
Don’t you DARE invade my fantasies with your filthy truth. We don’t peddle in truths in these here parts. Someone once tried to deflate my dream of living in London by telling me the weather would break my spirit, not to mention it getting dark around 4:00 in the afternoon. I didn’t listen to her and I won’t listen to you. But I’m glad you’re here.
Understood. I will keep my mouth shut. It’s all tea and crumpets.
That’s some OLD dang kid slurping the soda…I’ve seen [trashy] people putting soft drinks into baby bottles. No wonder we have the fattest, least fit children in the first world.
Good luck with your consultant…can we say ‘hostile work environment?’
She was sitting at a bar (no joke) drinking a soda. It seemed perverse to me.
That dude is not long for my workplace, I’m happy to report.
How come this consultant dude can eat his breakfast at his desk, anyway? Lunch, too? Somebody ought to fire his scum-sucking ass. Yeah, it’s been 2-years-plus since my layoff, Mark. Been working these part-time freelance gigs from my recliner chair too long.
Yeah…like my company is PAYING for him to EAT his breakfast. And lunch. And several meals in between. They are in the process of finding a replacement as I type these words. Godspeed to HR in their mission.
Has it really been two years? I remember when that happened. Seemed not that long ago. Keep looking. Don’t give up.
Thanks, friend. I’m working hard always and still looking. And here’s to your HR to finding a non-slurper.
I envy your theater opportunities and am so glad on another post you gave your Bride thanks and appreciation for her letting the expense go past and loves you enough to do so 🙂
Mary Louise Parker is a great actress, doesn’t age and my fave movie of hers is fried green tomatoes one.
the hacker website collecting data was funny. Gotta go to breakfast with my.Mom. . . Up in Cleveland in her senior living place. Blessed to have her still on this earth. Take it easy and when I am not on vacation I will try to stay better connected. I go in spurts. 🙂
I’d be foolish to not take advantage of all the fun theater stuff available to me out here. Otherwise, you’re just putting up with the noise and expense and filth all for no reason. You’ve got to embrace the good stuff or it’s all bad.
Fried Green Tomatos is a long time ago! My Mary Louise has done lots of fun stuff since.
I’m on my way to lovely Cleveland in just a few short weeks to seem friends and family. A splendid time is always had by all, although the drive is a bit tedious.