March 2, 1992
There’s a new girl here at work and, boy, is she adorable. Suzanne. She’s too young for me. Fresh out of college. Her entire life has been spent in the warm cocoon of academia. This is her first dose of reality. I don’t think we have a damn thing in common but I’m going to launch a charm offensive when I get back from Mexico. She’s Jewish. I don’t think she’ll have anything to do with me once she finds out I’m not. That’s usually how it plays out.
She lives in Cobble Hill, which is a much nicer part of Brooklyn than Fort Greene. Michele told me she’s currently dating two men and isn’t crazy about either one. What a shame. She’s got long, straight, jet black hair that I want to run my hands through. I can picture the slender threads pouring between my fingers like water. I *think* she’s flirting with me. She was sealing an envelope and licked it very slowly while looking at me through the tops of her eyes. She dipped her head slightly and that beautiful black hair cascaded over her shoulders. She licked. Our eyes locked. Time stopped dead. So I’m going to ask her out.
On Friday I rushed home and had a quick run. I was going to see Life in a Blender at Brownies on Ave A but Ann Marie called and wanted to meet me for a drink. Who am I to refuse? We met at El Teddy’s. I paid $6 for a scotch and soda that was made with very bad scotch. We split a portabella mushroom cap that was about the size of a dinner plate. I picked up the tab. I’ve got to cut down on that. It’s wiping me out.
After El Teddy’s I walked her to her sister’s loft in Tribeca. She lives in a warehouse. Access to her apartment is through a loading dock. It looks pretty grim and marvelous. The neighborhood is dirty. I like it. I was hoping to be invited up but it didn’t happen.
We were kissing in the dark amongst trucks backing-up to load deliveries. I opened my eyes mid-kiss (because I like to do that sometimes) and I saw a giant rat walking about ten feet behind her. Walking slowly, like it didn’t give a damn about us. We broke and she started to turn away, so I grabbed her and kissed her again. I think she thought I was overwhelmed with lust (which is partially true) but I didn’t want her to see the rat. It would’ve spoiled a nice moment. I opened my eyes again and saw it walk into a shadow under the loading dock.
Kissing someone new is a real treat. Those first few sessions are a genuine thrill. You never know what you’re going to get. I live in joyful anticipation of my next new kiss. Ann Marie can kiss better than Ann, but not quite as well as Candace. I wonder if Suzanne knows what she’s doing? No two girls kiss exactly alike. They’re like snowflakes.
Candace and I are going to CBGBs on Saturday night for the Black Rock Coalition jam. Those guys always play loud. Really, really loud. Too loud. She said she might get comps. I sure hope so. I’m kinda broke-assed.
Speaking of pretty girls in New York, take a look at these beauties. She’s life-sized. You should click on this.
DurgaMa
Oil and bronze
Isn’t she delicious? She’s by contemporary artist Carole Feuerman and she’s meditating in the window of the C24 Gallery in Chelsea. The exhibit features her new sculptures and paintings.
Leda and the Swan
Oil and resin
Feuerman is a hyperrealist, which is a made-up word but I’m going to give ground because I think these sculptures are fetching.
Monumental Quan
Painted bronze and stainless steel
She needs more than one pic. Right?
Exile on Pain Street 
You kissed to save her from a rat? How sweet of you… 😉
I’m no hero. I kissed her because she would. Big difference.
I’m feeling so old…
Me, too. CBGBs doesn’t even exist anymore. It’s an expensive clothing boutique. And there are no new kisses, either.
Dang!
I still can’t believe CBGBs is gone! How could it be??
Those sculptures. Wow. Just …. wow.
It’s a John Varvatos store, if you can believe that. The people who can afford to shop there would NEVER have gone to CBGBs. They’ve put giant sheets of plexiglas up to preserve some of the original band flyer-strewned walls.
Well, at least they did THAT. A small gesture to historical preservation.
I have ambiguous feelings about it. It kind of pisses me off a littl bit but when I go in there and stare at it, it makes me melancholy for my youth. So I guess I’m glad it’s there.
Well, I’m glad you told me about the wall. I wouldn’t have gone inside otherwise, and now I’ll have to, the next time I go up.
If you care about that sort of thing then it’s definitely worth checking out. It’s like going to a gravesite to paying your respects.
Whew, you were hot Mark. On a streak. This selection from your diary feels much more solid of mind and settled. You mentioned a job – sounded like it was going fairly well.
Great statues – the study of the human form is classic. (and complex)
Excellent post sir.(As much as I was enthralled by your previous diary entries – it feels like a relief that at the time of this diary entry you seem quite self confident and settled)
The funny thing is that I pursued these girls with a wreckless fever but nothing ever happened with any of them. We dated. We made out a bit. But I never closed the deal and they certainly never became my girlfriend. I felt very untethered. But isn’t that how your youth is supposed to play out?
You should see those statues in person. They’re lifelike but if you tap them, they make a hollow metal sound.
Wow! Those sculptures are amazing!
And reading about your former life always makes me think that I’ve been a dreadful bore …
Reading about my former life give me a perspective on my current life. I try not to dwell on the differences.
The best part of those sculptures are her use of vivid colors and flesh tones. I think she’s got something there. I wonder how much one would cost?
I was just thinking the other day how much easier life is today than it was in my 20s …
Life is certainly easier. The highs and lows aren’t as dramatic. And I can pay the bills, so that’s a load off. But Isometimes I miss the drama and new kisses sometimes.
You should get a dog, then. They give lots of different types of kisses and you won’t get in trouble.
I’ve got a dog. She no like me. No kisses for me. Just bites.
I’m sure the rat wasn’t too happy to see humans kissing right next to its house either.
Hey, man. Fuck that rat. I had business to attend to. I was trying to make time.
When I first started reading this, I was on my phone and didn’t see the date. I thought you were talking about now! I was thinking, WTF Mark!
I guess I’m the only one who things there’s something creepy about those statues.
Kissing someone new IS a treat. It’s one of the perks of not being married. That, and having sex with someone new, not listening to someone’s crap, not having to account for where I am and what I do, not listening to anyone snore, not doing things I don’t want to do, –
Yikes. I am SO not marriage material.
If this were a contemporary post, it’d mean something really, really drastic happened between my last post and this one!
I find the statues a bit creepy as well. In person they look almost alive. But creepy has value.
I’ve always found kissing someone new to be kind of interesting and fun but sex is different. I’ve had some pretty bad sex. The worst kiss I ever had doesn’t come close to the worst sex I’ve ever had. For what it’s worth. TMI?
Bad kissing is pretty disgusting.
Why don’t I remember having bad sex? Have I blocked it all out?
What do you mean you never had bad sex? How is that even possible? Talk about selective memory!
Hey…do you remember El Teddy’s? It was kind of a big deal back then. Bright Lights Big City. I think it’s still around.
Of COURSE I remember El Teddy’s! West Broadway in Tribeca. They closed about 10 years ago, right?
Just checked. It is closed. What was I thinking? I remember getting very pissed off when they established a section outside for stroller parking. The beginning of the end.
Sigh…
Someone shared this with me the other day. It reminded me it’s been decades since I’ve seen Citizen Kane.
That guy is a hopeless romantic. A dope. A sucker for a pretty face. Like me.
Congrats x 1,000 for the funding. There’s a beaver, right?
There is hot beaver action. And thanks. Did you hear my shout-out to New Jersey?
Of course!
Damn, no one ever kissed me in a rat-infested alley! But I did have a rat or two kiss me in very nice surroundings – maybe that was the problem.
There it is. My favorite comment du jour. it wasn’t an alley. It was a loading dock.
I have a very poor memory. I don’t remember most of what’s in this journal. But I remember kissing Ann Marie and seeing a rat.
You mean you actually kissed the girls before you had sex with them? damn you’re a gentleman sir, just kidding of course, you know they say kissing is an intimate as fucking according to the people who study that sort of thing, oddly enough i have a hard time remembering the good kissers but can quickly recall the bad, there was one i dubbed Face Eater, by the time it was over i was covered in spit from forehead to chin as if i’d been mugged by a St. Bernard, that went fucking nowhere which was probably good as i could have easily been drowned in saliva… left a comment on the last post as well, was off in the Dutch Antilles for the last 8-9 days, posts to follow, and i’m hoping to get to the Warhol for the Ai Weiwei exhibit but it’s summer and i gotta shed the boyos for an afternoon but i’m sure by mid-July i’ll take a mental health day and make a break for it… or at least i’m hoping, as always dig the journals.
I’d love to see your face when you read this:
I never slept with any of those girls. They wouldn’t have me. They were happy to go out with me and have me pick up the check but I never went to bed with any of them. Now, I ask you, how long would you put up with that?
Kissing IS intimate. My understanding is that prostitutes don’t kiss their johns. Just their boyfriends. I can’t really think about it too much or I start to think too much about it.
The Dutch Antilles. Holy cow.
That rat was a real you-know-what blocker!!
That implies if it weren’t for the rat my evening would’ve ended differently. Nothing could be further from the truth. She wouldn’t have slept with me no matter what. Sadly.
“Batty: I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time… like tears in rain… Time to die.” Blade Runner 1982*
Memories. When I read yours I feel so old, but then I realize I was young then, too, just living a slightly different experience. Of course, I wasn’t in NYC, but… 😉
The sculptures are both intriguing and scarily weird. Does the fact that they’re hollow sounding mean anything? LOL Thanks, sweetpea! xoxox
*I’ve been watching a lot of movies lately.
I feel old, too. It’s shocking to read this stuff. I forget so much of it. It’s a good thing I wrote it all down. Although, I remember the incident with the rat pretty clearly. That stuck with me through the decades. Ann Marie was nice. It’s a shame it didn’t work out.
The sculptures are pretty freaky. So real. And they’re so perfect, like robots or something. Amazing though, truly. Aww, Mark. Quite the player. Having your fun as you should have. Because, yeah, no new kissing anymore. Most people don’t think about that until they don’t have it anymore. Oh, and the rat! I can just see it. That must have spoiled the mood for you. Eeek!
I was no player. Those girls all got involved with me on the most rudimentary of levels. A few dates. A kiss or two and that was it. It wasn’t from lack of effort on my part, I can tell you that much.
The rat didn’t spoil my mood. I didn’t want her to see it because I was pretty sure it’d spoil hers. I was having a hard enough time trying to advance things. It was a lot of effort that never really amounted to much. But fun, though. No regrets.
Well, aren’t you a gentleman for not letting her that rat? 🙂 I think no one really knows what they want when they’re young and that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Then, you’d have no rat stories to tell.
I have no regrets or ill will towards any of them. We were all just trying to figure it out. As you correctly point out, without them, I’d have no stories to tell.
“Oh Romeo where art thou?” Or something such as that. At least you got to kiss a variety of women. That counts for something I would think. You did have fun though, Mark. At least you did all of that while young and impressible. -:-)
The sculptures of the women are just about too life like. Unbelievable talent.
I ain’t no Romeo but I sure tried. No matter. It was so much fun. Even then, I didn’t care if I couldn’t close the deal. I was having a nice time. And they were all really lovely girls.
The sculptures can be liked or disliked but the talent is undeniable.
Hah, so you ranked girls in kissing ability! I hope you kept their grades to yourself, like a proper gentleman. 🙂 Did you ever get one who didn’t like to open her mouth? You must have given her an ‘F’!
The posture of the bathing suit woman on the red orb looks uncomfortable. I wish the red orb had been massaging her back instead.
I hope I wasn’t graded but I probably I was. I hope I got high marks for technique, breath and commitment. Gold medal!
That girl never toppled off her orb. And I was there a good half hour.
Was the red orb borrowed from Jeff Koons? It reminds me of a big apple. I find the detail of these women figures amazing. Good picture taking!
You are nice enough to go out with, pay the bill and have a few kisses, but not sex. Sounds familiar. The trick is for them to do it without leaving a bad taste (pun intended) and you wanting more of their company. WOMEN!!!
Nice work on the Koons reference. I recently saw a Koons piece of a giant egg and it didn’t look terribly different than this. There are no new ideas in the art world. Just recycled ones that are executed well or not.
I’ve always preferred the company of women. Of course, I’d rather they’d slept with me but I never considered it a waste of time if they didn’t.
A good kiss is incredible. Seriouscrush used to make me silently scream with desire for her when she kissed me. It was so hesitating, teasing, almost not there, but very erotic. Oooh, I miss a good kisser in my life!
There are erotic films that specialize in kissing. Just two people kissing. Pretty graphic stuff. It’s not that fun to watch. It looks like two people trying to eat each other.
great post, delightful. 🙂
Thanks. Fun to write. Even more so to live it.
haha, yes. 🙂
As an aside Markl I just did a guest post over at Mark Bialczak’s and I would be honored if you had the time to drop by. Thank You. https://markbialczak.com/2016/06/19/janices-bicyle/comment-page-1/#comment-80839
Thanks, Pal. I’m in the middle of Father’s Day festivities and will pop over tonight or tomorrow.
Those models are incredible but, I don’t think they” be very good kissers.
Awful kisser but oh, the blissful silence.
The rat-kiss image is priceless. I actually fucking saw you in that moment and it was priceless, perfect. It feels like I’m on one of those old, wood roller coasters with your writing and it just keeps creaking and squeaking as we climb. Keep going.
It tells you something about me (and men) that I wouldn’t break mid-kiss, even though a rat was crossing my path. A girl probably (sensibly) would’ve made an issue of it. Passion dies hard in the young and horny. Thanks for the very nice comment. If I were a cat, I’d be purring in a pool of sunlight on the floor.
You and your previous lecherous ways! lol I’m sooo glad I got rid of my journals years ago, or I someone reading them would have thought I was a total trollop. Of course now I never get laid, so it might be nice to remember a time when I did.
First kisses are scary, because what if you really like the person and they drown you with saliva or don’t know what to do with their tongue?? Ugh
I think the sculptures are quite realistic, and it took me a minute to figure out they weren’t actual people.
The truth of the matter is that I’ve kissed a few girls but haven’t slept with many. None of the ones above ever did. I tried but I was always terrible at closing the deal. Some lech.
Girls can overdo it, too. Don’t gobble me up. Just kiss me.
As an aside Mark, I have another guest post over at Barb Taub’s. If you have time to drop by, I would be honored. Thank you. https://barbtaub.com/2016/06/23/if-it-has-tires-or-testosterone-guest-post-by-paul-curran-throwbackthursday/