i’ll punch your dad’s face in

My father-in-law signed 7-Year Old Daughter up for golf lessons on Saturday afternoons. He even bought her a set of real clubs. He’s a golfer and he wanted to indoctrinate her into that world.


That’s fine with me but, personally, I’ve never held a golf club in my life and have no desire to start now. It looks like a dull game and I have some negative preconceived notions (i.e., stereotypes) about people who like to hang out in country clubs. In my mind’s eye, they’re the same crowd who kept George Bush in office for eight years and drove our economy off a cliff, amongst other offenses.

Father-in-law was otherwise engaged Saturday afternoon so I took 7-Year Old Daughter to her golf lesson. I was her caddy, which I thought was a hysterical joke until she chastised me for giving her the wrong club.

“No, Dad, that’s my short iron. I need the medium iron. See, it says right here on the head.”

There are only five kids in her class. When we got there, she walked up to the only other girl in her class, Isobel, to greet her. Daughter said, “Hi, Isobel. I like your hair like that. And that’s a cute skirt.”

Isobel is about three years older than Daughter and a few inches taller. She looked down on daughter (literally) said nothing, turned her back and walked away. A few minutes later, I watched from a distance as the same scenario played out. Daughter says something to Isobel, Isobel turns her back and walks away without a word.

Isobel was being a bit cunty to my Daughter. I could see the hurt etched onto Daughter’s face after that second snub. I wondered where Isobel learned such deplorable behavior. I looked over at her father. He was a stick of a man with a pot belly and a tight fish face who drove a BMW.

I was considering teaching Isobel a valuable lesson in humility by kicking her father’s teeth down his fucking throat in full view of the class. The episode confirmed everything I’ve always suspected about the thrilling world of golf.

16 thoughts on “i’ll punch your dad’s face in

  1. wow. you are getting angrier with all your new success a few months back you would have glamored at teh fact that your daughter got such a nice gift and just encountered a bitch on the course. Golf is a great game. I always love playing a round every few weekend with my Dad and Brother. We drink beer and have fun. It’s great. Don’t be bitter….maybe get less tech gadgets and pick up a wiffle ball bat for starters…I’m disappointed in you, all this rage. Be thankful you secured a job and your family is healthy…GOLF!!?? Why you should be so lucky………

  2. As a dad of daughters I have felt the same way when one somebody slights one of them. It’s a hard lesson we all have to learn in dealing with others, but it’s difficult, as a parent, to have to watch it happen to our children.Actually, golf is not a bad game. In its purest form. It’s really less about the country club nowadays (although those do still exist). We have some rather outstanding golf courses in the mountains in western Canada (if you can get past the fact that they are typically environmental nightmares).I used to play a fair amount, but my avid-ness wore off. Plus it got pretty expensive. Plus I had other, better things to do.Your post made me laugh, btw.Cheers!

  3. Wow this Isobel seems like a real piece of work. But maybe she’ll grow out of it? Maybe she’ll eventually treat everyone as her equal?

  4. Golf is a game best enjoyed by men who enjoy the company of their pals, and the odd pint or two.When it reaches the point of rubbing shoulders with snobbery, then the fun stops.Last year I joined an exclusive course on the west coast, renowned for its selective attitude towards the ‘working class’man.I take great pleasure in parking my 4×4 in their cherished reserved parking bays, and not observing the club rule of wearing a tie in the bar.Funnily enough, since they found out about my ‘previous life’ nobody has sought me out to complain about my terribly inconsiderate behaviour.I’m sure that deep down they despise me, but adore my annual fee.

  5. AFM: That’s my point. I, myself, have been a douchebag on occasion, but there seems to be a disproportionate number who frequent golf courses.Greg: Sorry to disappointed you but nobody’s perfect. I’d say it was more about watching someone hurt my daughter than the game of golf, although I haven’t changed my tune.Rob: That’s the rub. For all my posturing, I knew there was nothing I could, or should, do about it.Sid: There’s that hope, isn’t there? That she can rise above what she’s been taught.FWB: Do they have a Skull & Bones in the UK? Heck, the British aristocracy probably invented the idea!Jimmy: I suppose golf has its charms. I love the rise of Tiger Woods, a black man in a lily white world. Do you think some country club members like seeing that? I’m sure many are annoyed.

  6. every golf course in america should be turned into a public parks space with affordable housing on it.fuck the rich.we all wish we could’ve kicked in that idiot’s teeth (along with his cunt rag of a daughter) but “civilized society’ says that would be “wrong”.next time just slash his tires in the parking lot. or just key his car. make him pay through the wallet.

  7. Ahh, the courtship of little girls. I still endure that kind of thing. Good for you daughter for giving it a second go. She is too young to realize that effort sometimes gets you nowhere in the friending game.My daughter is having her first b-day party this Saturday. She invited 8 girls, some of whom I suspect are not her friends but girls she would like to be friends with. Of course only the 4 girls who are her friends RSVP’d. She says she is fine with that and probably is. Life is a series of lessons but only some of them suck and that often depends on your attitude anyway.

  8. OMG ahaha i would kick him too. poor sam shes SUCH a nice and caring person and just because some stupid little girl wants to be stuck up.. grrrrr. see now im pissed. lol i love you guys.

  9. Welcome to parent hood, just the beginning of wanting your daughter’s never to be shunned by such inconsiderate people. It is really about her and not about the golf we all have a tendency to categorize the people in a group when something like this happens.I actually went to a country club one News Years Eve and it was one of the best parties with very nice people that I ever attended.She is young and will forget this in no time. Us adults will carry this grudge for way to long. I wish I had some words of wisdom but let it go or it will eat you alive.MT

  10. challenge him to miniature golf, get really drunk, then stick his head up the fiberglass dinosaur butt…oh, by the way – Tiger Woods is an interesting shade of “Lily Black”. At least as seen on The Chapelle Show…

  11. Jason: I’m no fan of the wealthy–they do crazy things, like equate money with happiness–but I’m not quite as militant as you.Annie: So there’s more of this sort of thing to come? God, I hope not. I seem to take it harder than Daughter does.N: And she loves you, too. K is obsessed with your dad. Every time she plays on her toy phone, she’s talking to Uncle J. Weird.MT: What are you talking about!? Those ARE words of wisdom!Daisy: Yes! I really shine on a miniature golf course. That and Jersey Shore skeeball. Greg: A nine iron across the top of my skull, you mean? Truce!

  12. What a brat. Kids like that don’t realize until their older (if they even take the time to think about it), that the only reason they treat others like that is because they feel inadequate about something in their own lives. And just as a side note, it’s dorky t spell Isabelle with an “o”.p.s.- Just be glad you & Wife raised Daughter I to treat her peers with more kindness and respect.

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