he ain’t no shakespeare

062409_sanfordSouth Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford was busted for having an extramarital affair. His paramour lives in Argentina and he used taxpayer dollars to visit her, which he claims he is paying back.

I have less of an issue with the money than I do with the fact that this is the same motherfucker who demanded that President Clinton resign after his affair in 1998 and voted for three of the four articles of impeachment against him. Of course, he’s a Republican. No surprise there.

In addition to his moral hypocrisy, get a load of this creepy, cringe-worthy excerpt from his emails that were released:

“My heart cries out for you, your voice, your body, the touch of your lips, the touch of your finger tips and an even deeper connection to your soul.”
Oh, my GOD! I’m going to fucking PUKE all over my laptop! That is simply awful writing. Do women really fall for second-rate supermarket romance dreck like this? Ladies, if someone dropped that line in your email inbox, wouldn’t you and the girls wet yourself laughing? Or am I wrong?

If my writing ever gets that bad, can someone please tell me so I can shut down this blog and stop humiliating myself?

15 thoughts on “he ain’t no shakespeare

  1. i’d hoark up a lung if anyone tried that “close to your soul” bullshit… well, maybe not if he had a giant schlong… we make exceptions for that…

  2. Jimmy: Your father was more lyrical than this creepy senator having a midlife crisis.Savannah: Welcome! Surely this isn’t indicative of what’s written below the Mason-Dixon. I’ve read PLENTY of great lines that were penned in the South.Joey: Welcome (pt. 2)! A great bank account will almost always trump great literature.Daisy: Welcome home from vacation. Everyone has a sliding scale when it comes to sizing up the opposite sex. I, myself, have gotten involved with women for the most base reasons.

  3. do women fall really for that sort of writing??depends on the woman i guess. no doubt some chick would yuk it up and do some evil shit like mass email it to all friends and family and post it all over facebook with the title “GET A LOAD OF THE SAAPPY BULLSHIT THIS MORON SENT ME!!! LOL!” or something like that. some other chick might cream her panties all over it!i guess it all depends on the sentimentality of the relationship. my wife and i are both pretty cool tough cookies in my humble opinion but we,(me especially) have done our fair share of sappy love note exchanges in our relationship.but yeah…that hypocritical prick needs to be strung up by his balls from the top of the wasinghton monument!!

  4. Yeah, sure the love note thing is sappy, but I’ve written stuff like that too.And yeah, he’s a big ol’ hypocrite fer sure and not walkin’ the talk.But, in a positive light, at least he wasn’t soliciting gay sex from a stranger in an airport concourse restroom like one Larry “widestance” Craig was doin’ a few years back.

  5. Jason: Now that you mention it, there are probably a few writings in my past that would illicit the same nauseating response if released to the public. Thank god I’m not in office.Rob: Craig was another Republican! I see a pattern emerging. The problem is that the GOP has used “moral righteousness” as their branding tool. I’m glad to see it bite them in the ass.

  6. Funny, I figured this was a sign of a more progressive government taking hold in good ol’ South Cackalack. 😉 And as my good, god-fearing parents have said, Love the State, hate the idiots that keep the State in the 18th Century. Oh wait, did I get something wrong there?

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