The New York Yankees, a morally bankrupt organization who single-handedly destroyed competition in baseball and forced the city of New York to foot the bill for its new stadium, have come up with a slew of nutty ways to whore its name and logo for the sake of a buck. Naming their most bizarre stunt is a tough call but I’d say it’s a toss-up between a container of infield dirt from the game when shortstop Derek Jeter broke the 3,000 hit mark ($250), or a pair of used, stinky socks that Jeter wore during that game ($1,000).
The baseball season is just underway and to commemorate the playoff spot this fall that the Yankees have already purchased, they’ve developed…Yankee cologne and perfume!
You, too, can stink like a Yankee. What does a Legend smell like? I haven’t had the pleasure yet but I imagine it’s the stench of freshly printed money mixed with the fragrance that rises off the streets outside Yankee Stadium in the South Bronx on a sweltering August afternoon. Take a big whiff, Yankee fans. Only $62 for a 3.4 ounce bottle. Suckers.
Here are my three dependents.
I voted for a cat but when the ballots were counted it was a landslide in favor of a dog. People have assured me that since I was the most reluctant, I’d be the one who grew closest to her. Well, I’m still waiting for that magic to happen. How much longer? Does anyone know? The dog is definitely on the road to being less stupid—she doesn’t nip as much as she used to and barks when she need to evacuate—but she still has a ways to go before she’s as smart as even the dumbest cat. She still thinks that cigarette butts and worms are food.