The existential crisis of 8 July

I’ve posted plenty of photos of The Daughters but I never show their faces. It feels intrusive and ill-advised. This is an open-architecture environment so I think some restraint is in order. [Per her request, I’ve never posted a photo of My Bride. You have to respect people’s wishes. Especially the ones you sleep next to every night.] Honestly, I don’t know what I’m so worried about. This isn’t a well-trafficked site. What harm can come of it?

Nevertheless, since I started blogging, I’ve allowed the indulgence of a full-frontal photo of The Daughters every year on my birthday. Why do I do this? What’s the difference between posting ONE revelatory photo and posting DOZENS? Why is it okay on one particular day of the year but verboten the other 364? It is, of course, ego-driven. A cry for attention. Look at my kids! Look at me! Today’s my birthday! It all seems (seems?!) kind of needy, don’t you think? But I make no apologies. A blog can be an artistic endeavor. A means of expression. But, let’s face it, it’s also a cry for attention and a sop to our egos.

Look at my kids! Look at me! Today’s my birthday!


This was taken backstage at a big rock concert at Giants Stadium. Everyone pines to go backstage but, take my word for it, it ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. I always feel like an intruder who has no business being  there. That’s because I’m an intruder who has no business being  there. I feel like I’m in everybody’s way. But it’s nice if it’s raining. And I think The Daughters enjoyed themselves.

My age? I’m feeling very old this year. Very old. I will not reveal it. I never do. It’s a tic. Don’t judge me. Some people smoke. Others gossip. I’m hung-up on my age.

*     *     *

Speaking of daughters, I see that Kim and Kanye named their newborn North West. Celebrities shouldn’t be permitted to name their children. In honor of North’s birth, I quote the following lyrics from various Kanye West songs.

“We in the bathroom now, she get her back blew out
She can’t clean but I bet she got a vacuum mouth”

“To all my second string bitches, trying to get a baby
Trying to get a baby? Now you talkin’ crazy!”

“Like my bitch when she pop champagne bottles
I tell you about them damn models
They can’t cook a lick but they’ll lick a dick and swallow!”

“Come and meet me in the bathroom stall
And show me why you deserve to have it all
Ball so hard
You know how many hot bitches I own?”

What do you think ol’ Kanye’ll do to the first man he overhears telling North she’s one of his second string bitches? Laugh at the irony? Or do you suppose that little fool has seen the light now that he has a daughter?

Hip-hop is a blight on the black community. They got rid of one ball and chain and replaced it with another. I guess I’m just an old, broken down white guy. One year older, to be specific.

31 thoughts on “The existential crisis of 8 July

  1. Breithlá shona buachaill óg! You share your birthday with one of my younger brothers, Bobby, he is 50 today. Have fun with your family, but easy on the champers ok? You know it makes yer head spin! :¬)

  2. As humans age, they like to be reminded of the things they created that will survive them. Hence the pictures of your daughters. I’m hoping little North will turn out just fine, because two minuses make a plus.

    • I concur on your photo theory. But I question the wisdom of posting too many in the ether. Once they’re out there, you can’t get ’em back.

      Re: North West. I like your math. Maybe the parents will be so self-absorbed that she’ll be raised by normal people.

  3. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SWEET PEA! i love your birthday photos with The Daughters! btw, if i had to guess age, i’d say 42! 😉 xxoxoxox

    much love from the MITM, the coconut krewe and me!

    • Oh, my Lord, you’ve hit the nail right on the head! 42! Thank you so much. A check is in the mail.

  4. Happy Birthday, from Turkey! You look great, age is just a number (that will ultimately stop increasing when you’re dead), and your daughters are magnificently gorgeous!

    Not sure how you manage it, but you are somehow deeply needy and incredibly endearing at the same time! Not many can pull that off… I think it helps that you don’t make it up! 🙂

    • Boy, am I glad to hear from you! Good to see you made it safely. Do you have time to scribble a post or email me a few pics? I’m oddly fascinated with your trip. You ARE a trip!

      Neediness is all a part of my boyish charm. My superpower, if you will. Believe it or not, it turns a lot of people off. Can you imagine?

      Now…off to check my stats to see if there’s a little Turkish flag. I don’t get many of those, as you can imagine.

      • more little turkish flags today! we’ve got a down day – hanging out with the girl in her apartment in Izmir, we’ve declared a ‘down day’ while she prepares for a job interview this afternoon. will drop some photos your way shortly. may even get motivated to attempt a blog post from the iPad. or take a nap. i can’t decide…

  5. Well if you’ll permit me a somewhat metrosexual comment, I think you’re looking great, and so are your daughters. It’s a joy to see a man glowing with that fatherly pleasure in his daughters that is intimate even in a photo that is public. I sometimes feel it too. I wouldn’t say it’s the best feeling in the world but it’s in the top, oh, 78 🙂

    I concur with you about hiphop. Although there is much non-mysoginist hiphop around, the vast majority of it is repulsive. I love black music, Modern Soul, jazz, disco and once started following on Fccbook Russell Simmons, a major figure in the hiphop scene who founded DefJam records. I deleted him when time after time he would just shrug his shoulders at the endless black-on-black violence (I mean fatal shootings). If only we had someone like Martin Luther King alive now.

    • A metrosexual thank-you. I wasn’t entirely convinced I had the wherewithal to be a father but I have to admit, I find large chunks of it to be enormously satisfying. Especially as they get older. I hope they remain reasonably attractive but are never hot. Studies have shown that attractive people are given a lot of breaks in life. Sad but true. But hot is nothing but TROUBLE.

      Kids—black and white—emulate their rap heros. Sometimes I peruse the lyrics of the more successful artists and it’s depressing. And I use the term “artists” in its loosest form.

  6. A VERY VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY, My Dear….That is a very sweet picture of you and your two Beautiful Girls.

    As to Kanye—this is the first time I’ve seen any of his lyrics printed out—These Are Just Horrible. I don’t understand the angry hateful attitudes expressed here…OY!!!! Enough said.

    • Thank you to our L.A. rep. They are beautiful, cuddly pythons.

      I actually CRINGED when I though of you reading those lyrics. I considered leaving them out because I have a lot of respect for you. You’re a demure flower and I didn’t want to soil your eyeballs. But in the end, I posted them anyway. All apologies.

      • LOL,,LOL, LOL…..I’m not really a demure flower—)(But thank you, my dear) And I can and do swear like a sailor…BUT, these sentiments of Mr. West’s just baffle me! It’s like he hates women….And I just don’t get what this is all about!! I wish someone could explain all of this hateful stuff to me…I’d like to understand where this comes from…..

      • It’s not like he hates women. He HATES women. Feels threatened by them. It’s probably how his father treated his mother. The apple never falls far from the tree, so they say. That’s why I’m trying not to be an idiot father although I’m only occasionally successful.

        You will ALWAYS be a demure flower to me. Don’t ever change.

  7. Once again, I have to tell you that you are a GREAT writer! I enjoy EVERY blog! And one of the things I enjoy most is your sharing of your family experiences. You have lovely daughters! I think your wife must be (based on everything you say about her) a saint! Your pictures of NY City, your museum pictures, your art and sculpture pictures, your street pictures……all VERY educational and enlightening!..Hell, even when you just talk about the dog, I love every word! Please, please, keep writing and never think the rest of us think it is not worthy of reading. It really, really is……………………….

    • Many thanks, Richard. That means a lot to me. You are 100% correct about my Bride. She puts up with a lot of crap and keeps me on a loose leash. I’m lucky. But…please, I beg your pardon…I could do without the dog. I just haven’t fallen in love with her the way the brochure said I would. Once again, had by a clever marketing campaign.

  8. And by the way, Kanye and spouse are total idiots……Anyone who wastes one second worrying about their opinions has wasted their entire time…..Total zeros, as far as I am concerned!!!!!

    • I pray that poor little girl is raised by nannies or some sort of hired help. God help her if those two idiots have a say in her upbringing. Fortunately, I’m betting they’re too self-absorbed to get involved with the down and dirty business of parenting.

  9. Happy birthday sir ( i always show respect to my elders haha) and it’s always cool to see the kids every once in awhile man, i’m just taking a guess here but that little one looks like she’s got trouble written all over her… must be something with second kids.

      • You think your kid is so unique and special and behaving in such a mysterious way and then you find out that there are personality traits that can be counted on for the first and second child. They follow set patterns that are locked into our DNA. We pass it on to the next generation. It turns out we’re not so special at all. Just following a lot of pre-programmed responses. Yes, she is a hellion, as were you, I’m sure. As yours will be when old enough (if he’s not already).

        Thanks for the wishes, ha-ha and all.

  10. Damn, forgot to wish you a very, very happy birthday. Sometimes our thoughts that we want to express overwhelm our best wishes……so forgive me for not saying so earlier, but dang, I wish you a very, very, very Happy Birthday, however belatedly!

    • I am so sorry you read those. I was thinking of sending a preemptive email warning you. I probably should have. But thank you for my birthday wishes. Much appreciated.

  11. Hey I remember that concert…..good times; a little wet and a long wait but it was so interesting to see what goes on behind stage. I was in total amazement and glad I had the opportunity at lease once in my life to be a part of it.
    As for the song lyrics now wonder why there are so many F-Uped kids these days. I have to say my girls have made me proud as I am sure your will too. Your nothing like dad and I don’t think you ever will be.
    Your always younger sister…

    • If the girls start listening to hip-hop I’ll consider myself a failure as s parent.

      Being better than dad wasn’t all that hard. The bar was set kind of low.

      What do you mean by the “always younger” comment? I hope you’re not bragging on your age. Youth flew your coop a long time ago, pal.

Vent Central:

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s