New Jersey Funny Papers

7-Year Old Comicstrick1






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I might as well go full-on daddy blog with this post. Stop your bitchin’. It doesn’t happen that often. I’ve got an art installation post all queued up.

Here are the girlies in their Halloween get-ups. On your left, Athena, Goddess of war (hence, the plastic sword) and wisdom. She’s going through a Greek mythology phase. On the right, Cleopatra, Queen of the Nile (sans Richard Burton).


Do you know what I love? I love that they both chose costumes that represent strong, powerful women instead of just some idiot Disney doormat princess or, even worse, a tween pop idol. You go, girls.

Bonus pic. 11-year old made these spook-tacular Halloween cupcakes. She saw a bag of zombie finger puppets in the grocery store toy section and it sparked an idea.


41 thoughts on “New Jersey Funny Papers

    • Not Bailey! Are you mad? She’s just a child! But I’m sure she’s got an older brother or even a father who could use a talking to. I’ll ping you offline.

  1. What is UP with that rubber band trick??? Deep. I love your girls’ costumes, too. Good for them – they’re off to a fantastic start. Cupcakes were super cute as also. Happy Halloween times at your house – hooray!

    • Isn’t that a terrible thing to teach a child? The vagina might be a bit of a stretch but that’s clearly, CLEARLY, a penis. Do you think or am I seeing things? You can tell me. I can take it.

    • Really? After all these years, this is the BEST one? Ironically, I thought this was one of those toss-off posts I do between more meaty fare. It just goes to show you, Bukowski was right. Don’t try.

  2. Thanks! I really needed that laugh….now the fun begins with a teenage daughter. You will be spending your next 6 years in a total whirlwind of unexpected surprises. Good luck my brother.

    • You were just on a fun holiday on an island. (An island in Lake Erie, but an island, nonetheless.) Why did you need a laugh? PLEASE don’t tell me about the teen years. I want to be surprised.

  3. all costumes for young ladies should involve weapons. come to think of it, all costumes for OLD ladies should involve weapons. mine this year involved a rather nifty cat o’nine tails. not from the pop-up halloween store. and there were a good bit more than nine tails involved…

    • You always have the best costumes. It’s the actor in you, of course. And you attend the bestest Halloween parties. I’ve always wanted to fly out for one, uninvited. Will you post photos again?

    • Cheaper, like, less expensive, and cheaper like a cheap tart, too. In my mind they’ll ALWAYS be too young for that sort of thing. Even when they’re 32 years old they’ll be too young.

    • I yam what I yam. Thanks for reducing me to a cheap stereotype. First time today.

      [D’oh! See my response to Looby!]

  4. Yes—that’s one phrase that doesn’t survive the journey from New Jersey east 🙂

    I love that age when they’re into these sorts of games. Mine did lots of clapping games and manual dexterity tricks.

    A couple of years on and they’d moved into a darker phase for Halloween l’ll take this pic down in a week or so as it’s ethically dubious to post pics of one’s children, I think, but I just can’t resist posting it.

    • MY LORD! I just Googled ‘tossed-off’! I had no idea. Ha! So funny. Now I ‘get’ her comment.

      The two girlies also engage in a lot of those clapping/manual dexterity games as well. They’re really all the same, aren’t they?

      It’s funny that you should mention the ethics of posting pics of your children. Before I put up pics of the girlies in their costumes, I ran it by My Bride. I thought it was something that required some discussion. This isn’t Facebook, after all. It’s an open-architecture environment. I’m usually pretty guarded about this stuff–just pics from the back, generally–but I made an exception. I have such an infinitesimally small readership I can’t think it matters that much.

      • I have a very small readership as well, but I don’t think that disposes of the moral problem. My compromise is to keep the pic on my own site and then take it down in a few days.

  5. Ha Ha! I love your little bubble thoughts. Yep, I think Bailey needs to be taken out. Not as in ‘Taken Out’ but you know, taken out. You know what I mean.

    By the way, Disney Princesses are not doormats. They are gold digging winners that always end up with Mr Perfect in a big frikkin’ castle with servants and pretty frocks!

    • I know what you mean by taken out. And so does Chef. We’re on the case.

      Actually, if you really want to get into a proper discussion about it, the Disney princesses have gotten much better over the years, starting with Aladdin. Before that film, they were all dead or in a comatose waiting for some man to come along and save them. Idiots. What kind of message is that? Did you see Brave? It was all girl-power. About time.

      • Well, that message is: “Be some raven haired or pretty blonde beauty with a beautiful insipidness about you. Be so kind it’s sickening. Talk and sing in sweet tones and be nice to animals. Then, and only then, will Mr rich, tall and handsome come and save you. Don’t some girls still do this? Does it work?

        Have not seen Brave no, but I’ve read about it. A feisty, Scottish Princess with bright ginger hair and attitude. More realistic 🙂

      • Well, if you walk around Disneyworld, you’ll see that the ‘old’ princess story is still be peddled like a sack of rotting onions. There’s a princess hierarchy and the doormat princesses—Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and Snow White—are the top of the food chain.

        You should rent Brave. Aside from it being a lot of fun, it’s fetching to watch. The animation is lovely.

    • How, in Bog’s name, do you know about Granny Clampett? There’s two words I never thought would come from your mouth. In the 60’s you gave us The Beatles and we gave you Granny Clampett. You’re welcome!

  6. well done, daughters! and i love the cupcake. i’ll be handling out candy dressed as Maleficent, horns and all. i figure down here in the bible belt i should scare EVERYONE! *snickering* xoxoxoxo

  7. If you encounter the parental units of Bailey I have a plethora of real swords that you can borrow to get your point accross! As a parent of 2 weans I feel your pain, I just found out that one of my of brood was using the snapchat app…and being a former teen boy I remember what teen boys are like…That is why I keep that plethora of sharp Scottish weapons handy!

    • I strongly suspect that Bailey has older brothers. This is the sort of thing that older brothers were made for. First dirty rubber band games, then making farting noises. That’s the natural progression.

      We, as fathers, have to be super-diligent these days. Snapchat and the like are presenting challenges to parenting that no pervious generation had to face. It’s a scary, slippery slope.

  8. I was thinking the same thing about the costumes – rock on! And your daughters are beautiful! I bow down to the 11-year-old’s cupcake creativity, too. Perhaps she can teach Bailey a thing or two.

    • Hi Jules! Thanks for your kind words. Beautiful daughters + warrior goddesses = nothing but trouble for me. Did you dad allow you to date? Because I’m thinking I’ll save myself a lot of heat just by putting my foot down and forbidding it. I’ll probably save a few young boys a case of the broken-hearts, as well.

    • Everyone in the family says she takes after my side and the 7-year old after my wife’s. I hope she doesn’t inherit my neurosis although I don’t suppose there’s much I can do about that.

  9. Do you know where I could contact Bailey? I want to know that rubber band trick. I should just Youtube it (apparently, I really didn’t have a childhood bwaha)

    And those girls kick serious ass–and amazing costumes, too! You’re doing well, so far. Congrats! It only gets better, right? (insert obnoxious face)

    • Yes, so far is right. There’s still plenty of time to destroy their innocence with my psychosis and neurosis. I hope not to. Someone has to break the cycle.

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