Happiness is a warm cell phone jammer

[In a loud voice:] Stop tellin’ me how to live my life ma! I’m 37 years old!…zzzap…No, I ain’t hangin’ up on ya, ma! It’s the recep–…zzzap…I SWEAR I ain’t hangin’ up on ya! Quit yellin’. Don‘t talk to me like tha–…zzzap…It ain’t ME. No, YOU shaddup! It’s this gaddamn CELL PHONE!…zzzap

Happiness is a warm cell phone jammer.
Bang, bang. Shoot, shoot.

* * *

Here’s my favorite recent key phrase search hit on my blog:

can i collect unemployment if my job is unbearable?

Yes, I suppose I could qualify as an authority on that. Other, more disturbing search hits include:

disney princess sexy
disney princesses sexuality
hottest disney princess
princesses disney hot image
sexy Disney princess – costumes


banished, I have been banished

Me, too, brother.

* * *

Over a two-decade period in New York, I’ve probably visited hundreds of pizza parlors and have eaten thousands of slices in many different variations. But I’ve never come across this beauty. It’s a breakfast slice! Bacon, fried egg, green and red pepper, onion, tomato and black olives.


Cold pizza in the morning was a staple of my diet during my bachelor days, but this is carrying things a bit too far. I didn’t try a slice but now I kind of wish I had.

* * *

From the New York Times:

A 12-Hour Play, and Endless Bragging Rights

“The Demons,” a 12-hour production of a grim Dostoevsky novel that will be performed only twice, may be the must-see show of the New York theater season.

I disagree in the strongest of terms. I love a good dramatic production, but I’d rather sit through a Green Acres/Petticoat Junction marathon than a 12-hour (“grim”) Dostoevsky play. Seriously, what are they thinking? And who would subject themselves to it just to be able to brag to their friends that they did, as the article insinuated? There are people out here who would do just that! The Times is showing its pretentious jerk-off side. Again.

11 thoughts on “Happiness is a warm cell phone jammer

  1. 1. *snickering* how do you keep a straight face when that happens? 2. i took my blog off search-ability. might be interesting to find out what might bring someone to the marshes.3. i can’t even summon the words to describe my reaction to that breakfast pizza!4. i wonder how many people will attend! *sigh*have a great weekend, sugar! xoxox

  2. The best pizza I EVER had was in Venice. It was very simple…crust, sauce, cheese, a fabulous thickly sliced hard sausage of some type. According to the Italian menu, it was served “con ovum.” Thanks to my 8th grade Latin, I knew that meant “with egg.” There was an over-easy egg on top and it was delicious!

  3. Man that pizza looks fine!I’m cooking bacon & cabbage for dinner today, with turnips in butter and black pepper, boiled spuds and parsley sauce. Come on over, there’s enough for everyone! Have a good weekend pal. :¬)

  4. Savannah: The biggest challenge my cell phone jammer presents is keeping a straight face. Re: the 12-hour play. No doubt it will sell out, but I can assure you that I won’t be there.HIF: As I mentioned in the post, I regretted not trying it. The place is on 9th Ave. and 22nd St., so I can always go back.Map: I’m on my way to JFK to board a plane. What’s your nearest airport. How tempting is that?!Annie: I’ve had pizza FOR breakfast but, no, I’ve never had a breakfast pizza. I’ll add it to my bucket list.

  5. Heart attack on a plate, those slices are. In my pre-diabetes days I would have snarfed four of those in one sitting.However, how do they get the fried egg on there to look so perfect? Seriously, I want to know that.

  6. egg pizza? i guess it’s like eggs on toast. i still need to get a cell phone jammer – but i want one with a ‘stun’ setting for the really obnoxious folks…

  7. I’d read that post UB, but hadn’t realised you’d seen the play at that stage, thought you were writing it pre-viewing….. that’s what I get for skimming ;-)Christopher Walken *swoon*…..

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