One of the great pleasures in my life is the Sunday New York Times. I don’t know what the hell happened to me. I use to drive drunk, have unprotected sex and smoke a ton of weed. Now, all I need is a sunny Sunday morning in my back yard, a cup of coffee, a Hostess Suzy Q and the Sunday Times and I’m a happy man. I’m sure I’m a big disappointment to my pals back in Cleveland.

The best, best part of the Sunday Times is the Arts & Leisure section (aka Farts & Seizures). I just love it. But in August, the entertainment community is away on holiday and there isn’t much to write about. Things are so dead right now that the big front page feature article in today’s Arts & Leisure section is a long tome on the resurrection of Tom Arnold’s stand-up career. I’m not kidding. Also, you’ll find long captivating articles on the new Chris Kattan TV series and a feature on the “First Ladies of Screwball Comedy.”

Holy shit, man. Who cares about any of that?

Come to think of it, it makes for a pretty goddamn boring blog post, as well. Sorry, folks. Go back to what you were doing.

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Actually, as long as I’m being judgmental tonight…Why am I so happy that this movie bombed?

I’ve got nothing against romantic comedies. Who doesn’t like Groundhog Day? Mrs. Wife and I watch Love Actually every Christmas and I usually get kinda choked up during Colin Firth’s restaurant proposal.

But this ad has a stench coming off of it.

“Oh, look at me! I holding up a red cardboard heart! I’m looking for love! love! love! You can tell by my red cardboard heart!”

“And I have a red cardboard heart covering my penis! Tee-hee! I just want to get laid but I’ll learn a valuable lesson about relationships and feelings!”

Sitting through this would be like swallowing your own vomit.

The first time I saw this ad I thought that the movie was probably going to be pretty awful and sure enough, the reviews came out and everyone said it was junk. Maybe if the reviewers keep labeling junk like this junk, Hollywood would stop producing cynical junk like this.

Maybe not. Now, that’s the ugly truth.