What’s eating you, pal?

Posted on January 16, 2010 by Exile on Pain Street

I was waiting for the crosstown bus on 23rd Street at Lexington Avenue. A young man, about 18, baggy pants, ballcap askew, comes out of Beach Bum Tanning on the opposite side of the street, crosses 23rd Street against the light, gets mad and curses a car that almost hit him, walks into a pizza parlor, buys a slice, crosses the street against the light again, and before going back into Beach Bum Tanning, dumps a huge handful of napkins onto the sidewalk. A gust of wind blows them all over 23rd Street. I wanted to walk into Beach Bum Tanning and mash him in his stupid face in.

In Congressional testimony this week, Jamie Dimon of JPMorgan Chase said that a financial crisis is something that “happens every five to seven years. We shouldn’t be surprised.” In other words, he had nothing to do with it. Lloyd Blankfein of Goldman Sachs said the financial crisis is like a hurricane that nobody could have predicted. See? It’s an act of nature and has nothing whatsoever to do with how these stupid greedy fucks conduct their business. Earlier, Blankfein said that at Goldman Sachs was doing “God’s work.” I wanted to reach into my monitor and bang their two heads together.

My phone had a glitch and the Verizon customer service techs over the phone couldn’t figure out how to fix it so I had to make a special trip into the store to get it fixed. It was such an obscure problem that it took three techs two hours to solve it.

Someone cut me off. He was driving a Toyota Sequoia; a massive, unnecessary pig of a car.

If you’ve ever done any heavy lifting in therapy, you learn that the things making you angry aren’t really the things you’re mad at. It’s not litter or investment bankers or bad drivers or phone glitches. It’s always something else. I wonder what’s eating at me?

Although, I have pretty good idea.

* * *

Saturday night. Mrs. Wife is out with the girls. Kids are in bed. Let’s see. On Ovation TV I’ve got:

Byron: British poet Lord Byron spends the last 13 years of his life longing for the affections of his half-sister and searching for a meaningful existence.

The Indianapolis Colts vs. the Baltimore Ravens.

Sorry, your Lordship. Let me know how that half-sister thing works out.

What to avoid in NYC. Tip #2a: dining options

Posted on January 15, 2010 by Exile on Pain Street

A few months ago, I pleaded with NYC visitors to stay away from the chain restaurants in Times Square. There’s nothing inherently wrong with them and they have their place, but if you’re coming to New York, eat locally, not nationally.

I also think it’s a mistake to come to town and spend hundreds of dollars on a single meal just because a bunch of food snobs say it’s the thing to do.

I’ve never understood fine dining. For me, food “goodness” has a threshold. It’s not like buying a house whereby the more money you spend the more house you get. You can spend increasingly greater amounts of money on a meal, but there’s a tipping point whereby a great meal cannot become any greater. It’ll just cost a hell of a lot more.

I think the fine dining industry knows they’re preying on people’s vanity and have perpetuated this scam for generations. I often picture the chef and Maître d’ back in the kitchen laughing their asses off at the suckers in the dining room. Particularly here in New York.

For instance, Frank Bruni, the restaurant critic for the New York Times was asked where the best sushi restaurant is. Are you ready?

The absolute best [sushi] I encountered in New York over the last five years is Masa, but that’s a recommendation of limited usefulness. A meal there is upward of $400 a person. I haven’t been in a long time.

So I’d like to single out Sushi Yasuda as well. There you can have a wonderfully intimate, pampering omakase experience for under $100 a person, not counting drinks. Still a major treat, but much, much more manageable.

So if you order a nice hot Saki, the bill would be over $100 per person? For friggin’ sushi?! Is a $200 bill for a sushi dinner “much, much more manageable?” Or worth it? Not to me! Believe me, there are PLENTY of sushi joints (and other restaurants as well) in Manhattan that will deliver a satisfying meal for a fraction of that cost.

Don’t believe the hype.

This might sound just a tad cynical for so early in the morning

Posted on January 13, 2010 by Exile on Pain Street

According to a Reuters report this morning, the CEOs of the major U.S. investment firms will testify in Washington today about the global financial crisis. The story states that the CEOs and their companies are “swimming in bonuses but sinking fast in public esteem…” and that “…public fury is growing over the crisis.”

I’ve worked for these guys and their ilk for the better part of my career—not as an “earner” but as someone who works in the trenches—and I can assure you that they couldn’t care less what public sentiment is. New York City is awash with people like this. They only speak one language and that’s the language of currency. They have what’s referred to in the industry as “F.U.” money. That means they have amassed such a copious amount of cash that they can’t be touched by the law or anyone else. It’s what they aspire to. Public fury? It’s irrelevant.

Sobering, but true.

Money, it’s a gas
Grab that cash with both hands
And make a stash

Money, it’s a crime
Share it fairly
But don’t take a slice of my pie

Pink Floyd

Money don’t get everything it’s true.
What it don’t get I can’t use.
Now gimme money (that’s what I want)

Berry Gordy and Janie Bradford

Second helping

Posted on January 12, 2010 by Exile on Pain Street

CB and I saw Theresa Rebeck’s very funny The Understudy at the Roundabout Theater. It’s a three-hander starring Julie White, a comedic actor who’s a pretty big deal in the theater community, and Justin Kirk, who stars with my pretend girlfriend, Mary-Louise Parker, in Showtime’s Weeds.

It’s the final week for this play, which opened in early November. I actually saw it back in October when it was still in previews but it was so good, and I had such a nice time, that I felt it was worth a second look.

Their performances were just as fresh as the first time. It amazes me how actors are able to do the same material night after night, month after month, and can still make the dialog seem spontaneous instead of scripted. The audience laughed just as hard the second time I saw it as they did the first. That can’t be accomplished with the script alone. It’s all in the delivery. The final fade-out was surprisingly touching.

* * *

This is my first play of 2010. I managed to see 29 plays in 2009 (yes, I keep a list) which is about 29 plays too many for most people. I get that. The theater has limited appeal but it got under my skin years ago when I moved to New York and I still find it to be an interesting night out.

We recently bought the soundtrack to the Broadway musical Wicked for 8-Year Old Daughter. It’s one of the most shrill, ear-piercing, annoying soundtracks I’ve ever had to suffer through. Each song comes to a deafening crescendo by one of the two leads. Mrs. Wife and I saw Wicked when it first opened and enjoyed it, but the soundtrack is proof positive that, unlike The Understudy, not everything on stage needs to be, or should be, revisited.

Cannot—will not—pass up a bargain

Posted on January 10, 2010 by Exile on Pain Street

But remember one thing don’t lose your head
To a woman that’ll spend your bread

Rod Stewart

Mrs. Wife has many admirable traits but one of my favorites is her ability to make a dollar scream. Many a man has been put under the bridge trying to placate the insatiable material appetites of his wife. That will never happen to me.

Mrs. Wife’s Sensei is her mother. That woman can sense a bargain at a garage sale from two blocks away. And when there’s a good sale at the market, she’ll pounce, even if it requires buying in bulk.

Mother-in-Law and Father-in-Law live alone. Just them. Two people. Two retirees who live comfortably, don’t need much and certainly don’t eat much. But if she can get a good price on 18 cans of tuna…