UPDATE: I just found out that the extraordinarily talented, dangerously attractive Everyday Goddess tagged this post as part of her Toasting the Posts of the Week. She follows over 250 blogs, so this is no small feat. Many thanks to her.

I can assure you that no money changed hands as a promotional consideration.

Here are a few random bits that are not long enough for a proper post, so I’ve lumped them together. Kind of like the medley at the end of Abbey Road.

An ex-colleague has asked me to recommend her sister for a position at the company where I’m working. I know nothing whatsoever about her sister—I’ve never met her—but my colleague has been a tremendous help to me in the past, so I feel somewhat obligated. Am I obligated? When you recommend someone for a job, you’re putting your own reputation on the line. What if she’s incompetent? The whole thing makes me very uncomfortable.

During Congressional testimony this week, top executives from the four largest privately held oil companies assured everyone that the BP oil spill was “an aberration” that couldn’t happen again.

Whew! That’s a relief! When corporate executives raise their right hand and swear that nothing can go wrong, you can take that to the bank. We should just leave them alone and let them go about their business. They know what’s best. For all of us.

Do they think we’re stupid?

Grim-faced and forbidding
their faces closed tight
an angular mass of New Yorkers.
Pacing in rhythm
race the oncoming night
they chase through the streets of Manhattan.
Headfirst humanity
pause at a light
then flow through the streets of the city.

Isn’t that just beautiful? All those well-placed verbs! I walk east on 42nd Street and turn left on Lexington Avenue with that pounding in my earbuds. The soundtrack of my life. This town is under my skin for good. Have a good weekend.

Currently, I’m a consultant on a project that should stretch through summer. I’d prefer a nice, cushy staff position, but this is the best I can do for now. In the meantime, I keep my eye out for other opportunities. Towards that end, I receive job-post emails on a fairly regular basis from a number of different sources. Here’s a prospect that I’m considering:

Temporary workers for Gulf Coast

Shamrock Environmental Corporation (Shamrock) has been contracted to provide support personnel to assist with the oil spill clean-up throughout the Gulf Coast. All workers will require OSHA 40 hour Hazardous Waste Operator Training (WE WILL PROVIDE). The hours will vary but expect LOTS of overtime.

RATE OF PAY: $13.00/hour straight time. $19.50/hour overtime (after 40 hours/week)

PER DIEM: $26.00/day for meals

LODGING: Provided

Work may include, but is not limited to, manual labor associated with removing crude oil from impacted beaches, rocks, boom, or any other items that have come in contact with the oil. Work Environment may include working on or near water, in marshland, beach and estuary locations in hot and humid conditions day or night.

Work is available IMMEDIATELY.

Whaddya think? I’m particularly looking forward to working in hot and humid conditions (+ oily w/ Looziana swamp creatures) in the middle of the night.

One of our clients is in need of a proofreader last minute for a catalogue (sic) spot. Must be fluent in Danish.

WTF? I don’t know how to proofread (as regular readers of this blog can attest to) and I sure as hell don’t know nuthin’ about speakin’ no Danish. Why was this sent to me? Next.

Would you like to see what some folks are doing while you (we) are slaving under the bright, white florescent lights? These are from my trip to Atlantic City a few Wednesdays ago before my current consulting project started. It’s not healthy for me to revisit these photos—it warps my perspective—but I’ll suffer them for your sake, dear reader.

You can cast from the beach. This guy was young enough to work. I wonder why he’s not at a desk? He didn’t get a bite the whole time I was watching but that’s hardly the point, is it?

There’s a colony of feral cats that live under the boardwalk. You can tell they’re related because they all pretty much look the same. The locals provide food and shelter for them. This old salt better be careful with that second-hand smoke.

This is how I aspire to live one day. The beauty of nothingness. Sit on the beach, wiggle your toes in the sand and read some nice, trashy literature.

They do it down on Camber Sands
They do it at Waikiki
Lazing about the beach all day,
At night the crickets creepy
Squinting faces at the sky
A Harold Robbins paperback

Pulling Mussels
Squeeze

Yup. They surf in New Jersey. You wouldn’t think so. The water is still quite cool, so everyone wore wet suits.

The waves are usually pretty tame unless there’s a nor’easter roaring up the coast.

This food cart serves meals from the four main food groups: sausages, hot dogs, corn dogs and nachos w/ cheese. What? Don’t pretend you’ve never eaten Boardwalk food before and loved every bite.

I was tagged by Leah, who was tagged by Scarlet. The mission, which I gladly accepted, was to answer the 10 questions Leah wrote. In turn, I am to write 10 questions of my own and tag six people. We’ll see about the tagging part when I get there.

1. What is your least favorite piece of clothing that you own? (from Hedgehog)
These. My living nightmare.

They’re from Kenneth Cole. They’re like clamping two steel bear traps to my feet. After walking 10 blocks, I can feel the blood pounding in my ankles.

2. Gravity or magnetism? (Sarge)
Gravity. I feel it pressing down. Don’t you?

3. Would you rather fantasize, or act it out in real life?
If I act it out, I’ll hurt a lot of people who I care about. It wouldn’t be worth it. It’s best to keep it as a fantasy.

4. What is a name, other than your own, that you think suits you?
Call me Ishmael. I have an Ahab or two in my life and few great white whales that could use slaying, as well.

Fun fact #1: I took Mrs. Wife’s name when we got married. I think my new name suites me better than my old name ever did.

5. Tell us about a nice thing a stranger did for you.
Many years ago, I was on the subway platform at 42nd Street waiting for the downtown #1 train. I was reading the passage in Ian Fleming’s CASINO ROYAL where Bond was being tortured. He was tied to a cane chair with the caning cut out of the seat and was repeatedly hit in the testicles.

I wasn’t feeling well that day and the scene hit a raw nerve. I PASSED OUT! Right there in the middle of the subway platform! I hit the cement like a sack of potatoes. When I came to a few moments later, I was surrounded by caring New Yorkers. (Not gawkers!) Someone gave me a peppermint candy thinking I was diabetic. The train came. It was packed, but the crowd bullied a guy out of his seat so I could sit down. Absolutely true story.

Fun fact #2: On the flip side of receiving a stranger’s kindness: Occasionally, I will anonymously pick up the lunch/dinner tab for tourists when I’m in a diner. If I see a couple with backpacks pouring over a street or subway map, on my way out, I’ll pay their bill and instruct the waitress to tell them, “Welcome to New York!” It gives them a New York story to tell when they get home.

6. What was your favorite childhood toy?
Silly putty. To this very day I still keep a large wad to work.

7. Do you hold a grudge, or let things go easily?
Holding a grudge seems to be a natural part of the human condition, but a few years of meditation have taught me what a useless waste of time it is. I know someone who likes to say, “I forgive, but I don’t forget,” which is such a dark, evil thing to do. Forgetting lies at the very core of forgiving. They want to feel good about themselves by believing they have a forgiving nature without doing any of the heavy lifting. For shame.

I’m sorry, what was the question?

8. Favorite children’s book?
As I pointed out in an earlier post, I was not read to as a child and didn’t read for pleasure until I was 21. To Kill a Mockingbird did it for me and we don’t need to re-hash that story. I remember reading A Wrinkle in Time. The fact that I actually remember reading it is significant. Also, I remember using my mom’s lipstick to color Dr. Seuss’s Put Me In The Zoo. So that was an early influence.

9. Something you’re proud of?
I’m a much [much] better father than my dad ever was. But the bar wasn’t set very high so I don’t want to pat myself on the back too hard. My goal is to never have my daughters look back and say, “My father was a little man and a fool” (as I do). So far, so good, but it’s early. I have plenty of time to blow it.

10. Which of the following four artworks do you relate to most, on first glance, and why?

I’m particularly fond of Picasso’s blue period but even more than that, I am such a sucker for R. Crumb. I made a point of seeing the original drawings from his Book of Genesis Illustrated when they went on display and it was a big thrill for me. The other three works, obviously, have more artistic merit, but Mr. Natural always puts a smile on my face.

I hope you don’t mind my saying so, but your choices have a distinct female bent to them.

Here are my ten questions. As always with these things, feel free to jump on board or take a pass.

1. George Bush. Lindsay Lohan. Dick Cheney. You have to sleep with one, marry one and kill one.

2. Would you prefer a comfortable relationship that was passionless or a torrid affair that’s riddled with angst and uncertainty?

3. What is your drink of choice?

4. Would you rather work an interesting job that was low-paying and be under constant financial duress, or have a comfortable lifestyle with a job that wasn’t very satisfying (but not a nightmare)?

5. You are boarding a plane tomorrow morning. Where are you going?

6. What was the last piece of music you purchased?

7. If a book isn’t working for you, do you hang on hoping for redemption or bail out?

8. Is it easy for you to admit when you’re wrong? Let’s be honest here.

9. Do you think fame is a useful tool or more trouble than it’s worth? If it came knocking on your door, would you open it?

10. Fill in the blank. I wish my parents had not __________.

I’ll tap

Here in Franklin

Daisyfae

Nimpipi

Annie

Savannah

And I would love to hear Jo’s answers, but she is in transit and is not likely to read this post for a few weeks.

Again, feel free to answer all, a few, swap out these for some of Leah’s questions or take a mulligan.

I went swimming and my cell phone was in my pocket. It’s currently in a bag of rice on my car dash. I was assured that my phone, like Lazarus, would arise after four days. If any of you have sent me text messages, you won’t get a response until later in the week.

I’ve been in a terrible funk. I haven’t felt like posting, reading any blogs or commenting. I’ll spare you the boring details. But in the thick of my self-pity, I attended a funeral. Sadness, sadness. God, the loss.

The day after the funeral, I received word that a friend’s 20-year old daughter passed away. She battled neurofibromatosis. Her entire life was spent in pain and wheelchairs. Her condition lead to hydrocephalus, legal blindness, loss of limb function and other sundry miseries. Yet, she managed to graduate from high school and never saw herself as handicapped.

And I still sit in my shallow funk. Who am I?