cell phone jammer: a love story

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8

I was hitting doubles with my cell phone jammer on the train in. With one flick of a switch I was zapping the cell phone calls of both the yappy 19ish year old girl with an urban attitude sitting directly behind me AND the sideways baseball cap-wearing thug sitting in the row behind her. They were both cursing up a blue streak and getting good and angry. I, on the other hand, was feeling much better about the train ride.

They suddenly realized they were each having the same problem. They compared devices and cursed their carriers (his: Verizon, hers: AT&T) for having such wretched service so close to the city. They were drawn together by a common enemy (technology) and by the time we pulled into Newark, they had exchanged phone numbers. For all I know, they’re in the process of becoming under-aged parents as I type this! How about that! They put their phones down and made human contact. I’m a regular cupid.

* * *

Also overheard on the same train from a different passenger who was starring out the window, wide-eyed, slack jawed, in utter disbelief:

Look at that! There’s a goddamn cell tower RIGHT THERE! Why can’t I get a decent signal?!

NBC’s worst nightmere

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6

What if the next Super Bowl features the Tennessee Titans vs. the Carolina Panthers? It’s possible! Two small market, uninteresting teams. It would spell certain doom for NBC as far as ratings are concerned. They could rechristen it the Who Gives a Shit Bowl.

mmmmm. baklava math!

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Seat at an empty counter in a Greek diner in Manhattan
+
a big wedge of baklava
+
bottomless cup of coffee
+
The New York Times
x

:45 minutes to kill

=

HEAVEN on EARTH, my friends.

bak

a message to the dearly departed

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10

Dear 2008:

GO FUCK YOURSELF. Seriously. I danced on your grave on this cold, bright morning.

If you read this idiot blog on a semi-regular basis, you might come to believe that I’ve been dealt a pretty strong hand. I’ve got a great wife, two daughters who love me unconditionally and I have some interesting hobbies that are pretty innocuous. All true. (I occasionally spend a bit too much on a rare book, but at least my vice isn’t whisky. Or whores. Or gambling. Or all three.)

I don’t reveal a lot of dark matter in my blog, nor should I. Some things are not fit for public consumption. But take my word for it; 2008 was a bucket of raw, untreated sewage poured slowly over my head with an end-of-year grand finale that I’m still trying to come to terms with.

Good riddance you parasite. You fraud. You’ve leached my happiness for 12 long months and I’m glad you’re gone.

did i say 28? i meant 29

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7

saturn1I snuck in one more play before the year wound down. CB and I saw Saturn Returns at Lincoln Center.

It had an interesting premise. One character is played by three different actors representing three stages in his life, each stage being 30 years apart (the time it takes Saturn to make a complete orbit). The same actress played his wife in the early years, his daughter in the middle years and his home care nurse in the latter part of his life, so she was on stage throughout and did all the heavy lifting.

The early years were too melodramatic, he was too unlikeable and needy a character in the middle years, but there were some genuine sparks when the eldest of the three actors walked on stage. That character had the best lines, but I think a bigger reason is that he was, by far, the most accomplished actor of the three.

* * *

I haven’t seen much of 7-Year Old Daughter this past week. Her cousin, who is a mere six weeks older than her, is here visiting. She got here last Friday and is staying at my in-laws house. The two of them are pretty close, so they’ve been spending all their time together over there with no need to have a dad around mucking things up.

I understand all this but I don’t really like it. I usually read to her at night before she goes to sleep but I’ve only read to her once in the past six days. I miss her.

Poster credit: Jane Fisher