The change of a season

I took 5-Year Old Daughter to the local town Halloween parade this afternoon. [9-Year Old was away at a birthday party at the Silverball Pinball Museum in Asbury Park. The Zombie Walk was also on tap for the Asbury Park boardwalk. I was wishing I was there.] After the parade, I watched some football. It is the clearest evidence yet that Fall has arrived. Time for thick sweaters, all-day pots of hot coffee and roast beef sandwiches. I love the change of the season and don’t know how those who live in a uni-climate can stand it.

The suburbs have their Autumnal charms; the colorful leaves, the fragrance of burning leaves in the air, the hay rides and Fall festivals. New York City is lacking any of these natural beauties, but there’s definitely a feeling of change in the air when Autumn arrives. Theater activity is picking up. [A play written by and starring Jesse Esienberg last week and Love’s Labor’s Lost at The Public this week.] I’ve posted this video for the past couple of years. Billie Holiday really captures the essence of walking through town on those shorter days and cooler nights.

Summer food fest photo follies

I did a big photo-dump of my iPhone and found a bunch of food shots taken over the summer. I had intended to provide my usual droll commentary for each but never got around to it. Does that happen to you? Do you have a big backlog of material that never actually makes it to Publish Post? I think I throw away more than I post. Lucky for you.

Summer is synonymous with eating scrumptious dishes that might not necessarily be in my best interest from a health and wellness standpoint. I should be more mindful of what I put in my body since I have very young children and need to be around for a few more decades. It doesn’t help that I bought our healthcare plan from some guy in the Times Square subway station who was selling policies off a card table. But I simply CANNOT HELP MYSELF when faced with these masterpieces of culinary artistic endeavor. These hard/bad choices are almost exclusively related to our annual trip to Cleveland. Make of that what you will.

It’s probably because it’s what I was raised on, but I feel there’s no better pizza than what’s served on the great North Coast of Ohio. The style of crust in Cleveland is thicker than the weak, thin-crust variety served on the eastern seaboard, but it’s not nearly as thick as Chicago deep dish pizza. Like it’s place on the map, Cleveland crust is somewhere between the two.

pizza1This is the supreme-ninja-grandmaster-combo of all time; pepperoni, anchovies and onions. I’ll bet you’re having trouble breathing right now, aren’t you? Back in New Jersey I am surrounded by the IRISH, who apparently have a broad cultural disdain for the delicioso tiny, salty fish, so the only time I ever actually GET an anchovy pie is in Cleveland amongst my Italian brethren. You can’t have everything. The Italians are lousy playwrights.

For years, I have been writing ad nauseam about my bro-in-law’s ribs. Their miraculous quality. The soulful essence that billows up from the grill when he lifts the lid. They have a narcotic, almost addictive quality. This past summer’s batch were, as always, perfection and grace. It’s October and I’m still having dreams about these beauties.


There was a new item on the menu this summer. He served homemade baked beans. He MADE them! I always assumed baked beans came from a can. I didn’t know you could actually make the damn things from scratch. Boy, did they taste better than the ones that come dribbling out of a can. They looked more enticing, too. Just out of camera range: a bottle of Dortmunder Gold from the Great Lakes Brewing Company. Viva!


If I’m clutching a big fist full of Clevo ribs, that can only mean one thing; the marinara sauce is only a day or two away. I know the “old-world recipe handed down through the generations” is a tired, worn-out cliché, but that’s exactly what you’re looking at here, folks. It migrated over from Calabria, through Ellis Island to Cleveland, then to my grandmother, then mother and now sister. That’s how it’s done! One of my nieces had better learn how to make this. There’ll be a pop quiz one day.

spagetNo, I didn’t arrange the sausage and meatballs on my plate like that intentionally. I didn’t even notice it until just now. What would Freud say?

Mom’s parents immigrated from Italy but Dad’s parents immigrated from Poland. Growing up, we weren’t as steeped in Polish cuisine as we were Italian, but I still have a soft spot on my palate for it. The perogies that come off of Grandma Ski’s Polish Food truck at the Cuyahoga County Fair are pretty much an exact replica of the ones that Grandma P used to make. As a child, I didn’t have a great affinity for them and turned my nose up. But now, I gladly pay good money for something that was once free.


Take a look at “Grandma Ski.” It looks like Grandma Ski can set up a little side business as an arc welder or mob enforcer.

After your big, heavy County Fair perogie orgy, for desert you can treat yourself to one of these:

sundae

Or not. New taste sensation, indeed.

Brush with death

I was knocked on my ass with the flu all weekend. All my life I’ve had a fairly healthy constitution and never had a propensity to get sick. Since I have no benchmark for what it’s like to be really ill, something like the flu seems cataclysmic to me. But this was a bad one. I didn’t leave my bed for two days and was delirious.

I slept for astonishingly long periods of time. I occupied a half awake/half asleep dream state whereby I could hear things going on around me but couldn’t respond to any of it. I looked really, really bad and was moaning a lot. At one point, 9-Year Old Daughter walked up to me and asked, in all seriousness, “Dad, are you going to die?”

I was tossing in bed having one of my torturous fever-dreams. Mrs. Wife and the two Daughters were gone from my life. Just like that! Pfft! No reason was provided by the devils sticking forks in me. Someone walked up and asked me, “Do you feel liberated?” I knew what he meant. And I thought about it. And my answer welled up from the part of me that was still of sound mind and I yelled at him, “No! Bring them back immediately!”

* * *

I started feeling dizzy on Friday night while in a Broadway house seeing Venus in Fur. If you were in the audience for that performance and don’t feel quite up to par, you can blame me.

Hugh Dancy is such a good actor. He holds his place on a stage well. Not just a pretty boy. He turned out an exhausting, effective performance. But here’s his problem: The show is a two-hander and he’s sharing the stage with a newbie just out of acting school named Nina Arianda and she is a friggin’ firecracker. She spends long swaths of the show in black leather and lace underthings seducing him and, I felt, me. It’s hard to take your (my) eyes off of her. What I did see of Dancy was great. It’s a play about control. Who has it. What are you willing to give it up for. It’ll be interesting to see if any community theaters have the guts to put this on.

venus

Do I have latent homophobic tendencies?

SOTP1The Great Gay White Way.

I saw a fantastic new play at the Roundabout Theater. Sons of the Profit is still in previews and it’ll be interesting to see what the critics say once it opens. I always like to have my opinion validated by the professionals, although sometimes it works the other way around. I loved Enron but it closed the week after it opened. What do I know?

Sons of the Profit is a well-written and superbly acted comedy/drama. Some of the plot elements regarding an aging family member in declining health hit a little too close to home for comfort, but most of it was very funny with a whip-smart script by Stephan Karam. I’d like to see it again to catch the punchlines I missed.

Here’s what concerns me: There was a gay make-out scene, which typically isn’t a big deal. But I suddenly found myself surprisingly uncomfortable watching two dudes paw at each other. This discomfort came out of nowhere! I’ve seen the original production of Angels in America and many other gay librettos and never gave this sort of thing a second thought. But this time, it pulled me out of the story and made me want to thumb through my Playbill until the scene ended.

Does that mean I have latent homophobic tendencies? Because all of a sudden I don’t want to watch two guys make-out? I hope not! (Two girls making out is a completely different matter.) I reject the notion that it makes me uncomfortable because I might actually BE gay. All those decades in Manhattan afforded me plenty of opportunities to experiment, but it never interested me. I told one of my gay friends what happened and he suggested, in all seriousness, that I watch a bunch of gay porn to “desensitize” myself. What an idiot.
* * *

Speaking of gay theater, Mrs. Wife and I saw Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. I won tickets in a trivia contest. I’ll see pretty much anything for free.

priscilla1It seems mean spirited to say anything bad about it. It tries so hard to be a happy, crowd-pleasing show, but I’m not the target audience. I’m not big into musicals and the songs played throughout the show are the big disco hits that, when played on the radio, cause me to turn the station. So, IF you like drag queens to the 10th power and IF It’s Raining Men makes you want to wave your hands above your head and IF you like to see what a costume designer’s acid trip looks like, you’ll love this show. The best part of the evening was being out with my lovely bride on her birthday, who seemed to enjoy herself tremendously.

Sitting next to us was a woman who brought her two children. By children, I mean they were so young that in order to see the stage, they needed those plastic booster seats that theaters keep on hand. This is NOT a show for toddlers! What the fuck is wrong with people? I wonder if mommy had to explain why the woman was shooting ping pong balls out of her vagina into the audience or why the man was wearing a silver panties and a bra ensemble?

HOMOPHOBE!

My last column

For the past year, I’ve written a monthly column over at the Undie Press on collecting rare books. Specifically, I tried to convey why certain authors got under my skin and how I obtained some of the more rare pieces in my library. The quality of the column was uneven but overall I am pleased with the results. Having a monthly column taught me that a deadline can suck all the joy out of writing.

This month will be my final column. Undie Press is moving towards more traditional long-form publishing (as opposed to monthly bits and bites). Also, I’ve pretty much exhausted the subject of egomaniacally prattling on about my books.

Explicit warning: This last column contains nudity and sexual situations. Hence, it is one of my best. I’m glad to go out on a high note. Bukowski’s Admirers is about how literary fame changed an alcoholic, pock-marked Charles Bukowski into an object of desire.

Many thanks to Tim Hall, Undie Press editor and publisher extraordinaire, for the opportunity.