cell phone jammer damage

Posted on March 9, 2009 by Exile on Pain Street

Look what’s become of my poor cell phone jammer.

These things are so fragile. It’s not like I slam it around or anything like that. This is the second unit I’ve purchased. The three prongs at the top bend out of place very easily. There’s an even more powerful unit available (it’s a bit more expensive than the $38 I paid for this one), but the prongs on that model look even more frail than this one.

A battle-hardened soldier. I like it. It looks MEAN.

* * *

United States: illegal to operate, manufacture, import, or offer for sale, including advertising (Communications Act of 1934), with fines of up to $11,000 and imprisonment of up to one year.

In the UK, you can own a cell phone jammer, but it’s illegal to use it. C’mon, England. Don’t be so naive. What do you think these things are for? Decorative wall sculpture?

The good news is that they are completely legal to own and operate in Armenia.

yuppie breeding ground

Posted on March 8, 2009 by Exile on Pain Street

Overheard at the local playground by a yuppie mommy (with WAAAAYYY too much enthusiasm and wild applause):

GOOD SLIDING, JAKE!!! GOOD JOB!!!

Oh, for Pete’s sake. All that kid did was obey the laws of gravity. Must we compliment our children for their every little triumph? Wait until Jake finds out that the world isn’t all that impressed with his accomplishments.

when clowning becomes just another goddamn job

Posted on March 6, 2009 by Exile on Pain Street

This is probably a back-handed compliment but I found Humor Abuse, the one-man show at the Manhattan Theater Club, far more enjoyable than I thought I would. If it weren’t for mimes, clowning would probably be the bottom rung of the entertainment ladder so I didn’t expect much.

The premise sounds pretty staid; a lone actor stands center stage and acts out the story of having a professional circus clown for a father. Father drags son into the business. Son learns the trade and tries desperately to please his father. Father ends up burning son. Ho-hum, right?

WRONG! It works beautifully. There were a few truly inspired moments that made me think about my own idiot father. And then I realized that the show isn’t really about clowning at all. Nice work.

random nyc pic

Posted on March 5, 2009 by Exile on Pain Street

If you stand on the balcony that overlooks the main entrance inside the Metropolitan Museum of Art and look up, this is what you’ll see:

Arches within arches within arches. Do you see the smallest one at the bottom center of the photo? Artistè Florenza pointed this out to me and I thought it was simply beautiful. I don’t know. Maybe you need to see it in person…

10,000 dead frenchmen

Posted on March 3, 2009 by Exile on Pain Street

I treated myself to Shakespeare’s Henry V. It was three hours but they flew by. I loves me the King plays.

When it began, I had my usual wrestling match with the dialog. It takes at least :10 to :15 minutes until I settle down with the cadence of Shakespearian English and acclimate myself to the iambic pentameter. (Whatever the hell that is. If you know, please explain.) It’s like trying to grab a garden hose that’s turned on full blast and is whipping around.

Henry V was one of England’s more successful monarchs. By the end of his rein, he ruled over a united England and France. His son, King Henry VI was a zero who lost everything his father built and started the War of the Roses. What a dickhead.

This play is a home run for an old Anglophile like me. In order to distract King Henry from his plan to liberate the church from a portion of its property and cash, the slippery Bishops (Are there any other kind?) conjured up a distraction. They convinced Hank that he is the rightful heir to the French crown. A war ensued and with a country to invade, who has time to abscond with church property?

Shakespeare’s historical dramas are based in fact. When Henry fought at Agincourt, a hungry and weary English army was outnumbered 10-1 by a fortified French army but England routed France! That’s a fact!

Take that, Frogs.

My comprehension of Shakespeare is tenuous at best. Do you know what helps? Jamming Cliff Notes the day before the play. I do it every time I see a Shakespeare play. Otherwise I’d get lost. I didn’t attend a University after high school so I’m a bit behind on all that stuff.