Summer’s here and the time is right…

…for outdoor art installations. The city is littered with these things—and I mean that in the good way. Not all of the installations work—I’ll spare you the sight of the ones that don’t—but here’s one that amused me.

nearness5It runs through the center of Times Square—Broadway between 44th and 45th. This is Nearness by Cuban artist Arlés del Rio. It’s a simple concept that works because of its placement. It creates a nice flow.

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They’re exactly what you see; a series of chain link fences with the centers cut in the shape of silhouettes. They’re participatory, which I always like. People walk through them and have their pictures taken while standing in the middle. You don’t see anybody in these photos because it was 6:00 a.m. and anyone in their right mind is still in bed, not traipsing through Times Square. I think the exhibit is more striking without people around.

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According to the literature provided, these figures metaphorically represent

“…the social, political, cultural and personal barriers, among others, that may keep us away from one another.”

These concept descriptions are always too high-minded for me. They always sound like ArtNews blather. Perhaps the artist needs that gobbledygook to feel connected to his work but I always take it at face value. I’m the opposite of complex.

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This one’s my fav. Placed in front of the Times Square military recruiting center.

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Next up: a Jeff Koons horse.


While daddy’s at work, proud new mommies often bring their babies into the office for show and tell. The little bundles of screaming joy always have names like Halston or Eureka. [I recently saw Tiffany but it was spelled “Typhanie.”] Someone just paraded a stroller through the corridors here at work. It’s a disruption but everyone has to feign interest. Like when you’re forced to sing happy birthday in the break room. I’m guilty, too. I brought the first daughter in when she was born. Not the second one, though.

What I’ve noticed over the years is that when it’s the wife of a senior executive, it’s always the wife, the baby and a nanny. I guess if you can afford one, you get one. Why wouldn’t you? But I think it makes them seem frail. Like they’re too delicate or detached to shoulder the heavy responsibility of caring for a baby on their own.

I think that wealth makes some people soft. It robs them of their natural, God-given coping mechanisms. Their grit. Their ability to navigate through adversity or a lifestyle crisis, like a new baby. Instead of planting their feet, striking a defensive pose and dealing, they throw money at a problem and hope it goes away. Here in NYC and on Long Island, you can hire someone to teach your kid how to ride a bike. I’ve worked with and have known some very well-off people. It doesn’t seem to take much to harsh their mojo.


Speaking of mommies. Sex Tape with Jason Segel and Cameron Diaz just opened to disastrous reviews. Only a 20% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes. It’s toast. I don’t want to say I enjoy reading bad reviews, because that’s not nice, but I laughed at this bon mot from the New York Times review. It said the movie…

“…asks us to believe that Annie is on the verge of selling her blog about motherhood for big money, a plot point that inspired raucous laughter from the press rows at my screening.”

Mommy blogs—hell, blogs in general—are about as rare as oxygen molecules. So the thought that one would actually sell for big money is pretty funny stuff, which I’m certain wasn’t their intent.

I Spy With My Little Eye: Something Dangerous

I finally committed the crime I said I’d never commit: I made a parental decision based on what everyone else is doing. How lame is that?

I broke down and got an iPhone for my 12 (and a half)-year old daughter. I felt (feel) that that’s too young to mess with something as hedonistic as a smart phone but my hand was forced. She’s got a lovely group of girlfriends. They all do well academically. They’re polite and can hold their end of a conversation. They’re the types of kids I want her around. And they’ve all got iPhones. ALL OF THEM. When they group text or share photos, Daughter Dear is left out of the loop. I know how that feels. I spent my entire childhood out of the loop and if I can spare her that burden by breaking one of my rules, I’ll break it. I don’t want her drifting to a different crowd because she was disconnected.

This has lead to no small amount of angst, worry and sleepless nights. I’ve taken a dramatic and, some would say, unethical step.

I loaded tracking/monitoring software onto her phone.

You can lecture me all you want about trust and privacy issues but, Jesus H. Criminy, she’s just 12 (and a half). I don’t think ANY 12 (and a half)-year old girl should be left on her own to navigate the scary world of Instagram. I don’t feel good about reading her text messages. It makes me feel kind of dirty. But I’m in a no-win situation.

I’m finding that “little kids, little problems/big kids, big problems” is more than just a clever turn of a phrase. It’s pregnant with truth. I wonder if any of the other parents monitor their kid’s mobile phone use? Could you accuse them of being lazy and uncaring if they don’t? What would you do?


We made our annual pilgrimage to the roof of the Metropolitan Museum of Art for the summer installation. Every year they do something special on the roof and every year I drag the kids up there whether they like it or not. (I think they like it.) We arrive when the museum first opens so that we have the roof to ourselves.

Some of these installations are pure genius and some of them fall flat. This year’s model lies somewhere in between. The Roof Garden Commission by Dan Graham is an interesting “S” of steel and glass set between two ivy hedgerows.

Roof Garden Commission4The roof was covered with grass (actually artificial turf) and is meant to be viewed in conjunction with the lush greenery of Central Park.

Roof Garden Commission5The interesting part, the “get,” is the glass. It’s two-way mirrored and while completely translucent from one side, you see a gentle refection from the other.

Roof Garden Commission2It’s a neat trick. You can still see through the reflective side, but the ghosted images of the city can be seen distorted in a half-circle. It makes for a fun family portrait.

Roof Garden Commission1I wish it were a larger exhibit. Once the crowds arrived, it lost some of its magic. People waited in line to take photos from the best, most reflective, angles.

My Bride points. I imagine the dialogue is something like, “See that building over there? That’s where Daddy wishes he had a pied-à-terre.”

Roof Garden Commission3It’s an interesting enough piece although I was somewhat underwhelmed. To date, the best installation I’ve taken them to—hell the best one I’ve ever seen—was Brazilian artist Ernesto Neto’s anthropodino at the Park Avenue Armory in 2009. THAT’S how it’s done.


After the museum we saw a Broadway musical. Despite visiting the theater on an almost weekly basis, the fact is, with a few exceptions, I can’t stand Broadway musicals. Quintuple my nausea if there are children on stage. Broadway kids are the worst. They’re precocious, overly-talented mini-adults. Behind each one, giving a good hard shove, is a failed actress trying to relive the dream.

My kiddies wanted to see Matilda and since I’d be willing to take a bullet for them, suffering a musical seemed like a small matter in comparison. So there I was at the Shubert Theater for a Saturday matinee with a stage and house full of children. Dreadful. Strike up the overture. Let’s get this over with.

I may have to re-think my knee-jerk revulsion. The girl playing Matilda was a joy to watch. The stage design was magnificent. The lyrics are peppered with hilarious asides for adults. Matilda’s mother sings this one from her hospital gurney just after giving birth to Matilda, a child she neither wanted nor loves. Where you’d expect an ode to the joys of childbirth, you are treated to:

“Oh, my undercarriage doesn’t feel quite normal.
My skin looks revolting in this foul fluorescent light.
I should be dancing the tarantella –
Cui buon fare Italiano. [Italian: With good Italian manner]
Not dressed in hospital cotton,
With a smarting front bottom.”

How can you not like that? Thank you, Royal Shakespeare Company.

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NOW How Do You Like Facebook?

In a controlled experiment, Facebook clandestinely altered the news feeds of 700,000 users. People who received slightly happier news posted positive updates, while people who received sadder news posted sad updates. What does this mean?

Facebook can control your emotional state.

In the 2010 Presidential elections, Facebook divided 61 million Americans into three test groups. Each group was shown a different, nonpartisan get-out-the-vote message, or no message at all. The results showed that certain messages could significantly increase the inclination of someone to vote. What does this mean?

Facebook can control elections.

I’ve not been prescient about much in life. For instance, many years ago, someone in finance told me I should look into buying Google stock. This was not long after the internet bubble exploded. I, like a lot of people, had gotten burned. My exact words to him were:

“Do I look stupid to you? No more internet stocks for me. Ever.”

At that time, Google was $32/share. Google closed on Friday at $593.08/share. I believe it actually split at one point.

In 2008, a friend said that I had a knack for pollinating my emails with short, clever quips. He suggested I sign up for a Twitter account. He said it’d be a excellent venue to to showcase this supposed talent I have. I signed up, posted for about three weeks and quit. “This is stupid and boring,” I thought. “This’ll never go anywhere.”

When it comes to Facebook, I smelled a rat from the start. I couldn’t figure out Facebook’s business model. What do they have to sell? What’s their product? It turns out the thing they have in abundance is personal data. Personal data is power and they can use it any way they wish. It’s in your User Agreement. I also felt there was an addictive quality to it not unlike gambling. And I know all about gambling.

I badly miscalculated Google and Twitter, but I think I was right about Facebook. Even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while. But I’ve heard that I might be able to increase my blog audience with a Facebook page. Is that true? Well, that’s worth considering…


I stumbled across this model shoot while walking through Madison Square Park. Isn’t it weird? They’re just children!

model2I think they were from South America. Maybe Brazil. It sounded like they were speaking Portuguese. They were consummate professionals, from what I can tell. I can assure you they are wearing clothes that are too expensive for me to buy for my kids. Plus, this stuff is so season-specific, and they grow so fast at that age, that they could probably only wear each outfit a few times until they outgrew them.

model1 I don’t know how I feel about this. I think the parents are exploitative. I mean–what’s the message here? Also, I’m envious that I can’t provide this stuff for my daughters. Not that it matters to them. They couldn’t care less. It’s all in my head. And now, here in my blog.


 

birthdayBirthday bonfire, 2014.


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Desensitizing Children to Violence: NYC Edition

The dictionary defines desensitization as:

“…the diminished emotional responsiveness to a negative or aversive stimulus after repeated exposure to it. To make indifferent, unaware…in feeling.”

Look at this horrific ad that’s currently running on New York City buses:

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Every child walking down the avenue—from ‘tweens to infants in strollers—sees this. The Metropolitan Transit Authority reviews the ads posted on buses and subways for appropriateness. Some years ago, they rejected an ad that referred to Israel’s enemies as “savages.” Just this past January, they rejected an ad for an urban art exhibit that featured a subway car covered with graffiti. No need to revisit that, I agree.

But this is acceptable? Have you ever seen anything so vividly grim in a public space? And, OF COURSE, the victim is a woman. The victims in torture porn film ads are always women.

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I’m so sick of these graphic depictions of violence against women. I don’t want my 8-year old daughter to see this! This stuff is impressionable. You can’t un-see it. If you repeatedly expose little kids to this kind of appalling imagery, they’re going to grow up void of empathy. I get angry at the morons who take their toddlers to The Dark Knight for the same reason.

Am I making too much of this? You can tell me. Do I need to chill?


My Bride and I walked through Chinatown last weekend. It’s one of my favorite neighborhoods. I like it because I can walked down crowded Mott Street and see over everybody’s head. Here are some pics of the open-air produce markets and a paper-folding artisan selling his wares on the sidewalk.

china7Octopuses. Or is it octopi?

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A basket ‘o blue claws.

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Dragon fruit. Whatever that is.

china5Croc/Gator. Do you like the goose in the foreground? I did that on purpose. Or do you think it’s clutter. Tell me the truth!

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Fox and penguins.

china2Four blind mice. And a cat.

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Parading peacock.

Here’s a price list. Very reasonable considering the artistry and labor involved.

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The weather was perfect so we walked from Chinatown to Little Italy and got a sidewalk table at a café on Mulberry Street. We had pastry and cappuccinos (hers iced, mine hot) and watched the big parade of humanity. Best show in town. Then we walked east on Houston Street to our old apartment on Clinton and Avenue B.

I don’t think my wife had seen Clinton Street since decamping for New Jersey 12 years ago. So much has changed but some things are still the same. We walked past my old Dominican barber. He looked up, his face brightened with recognition, he put his scissors down (he had a customer in the chair!) and came outside to greet us.

We hugged and he insisted that we come inside for a visit. He opened a bottle of red wine and everyone in the shop drank a toast to old friends. I apologized to his customer for the interruption and he said, “He can’t help himself. He’s a social animal.” We talked about the junkies and gypsies who once prowled Clinton Street. That guy was one tough muther. If someone tried to sell heroin in front of his barbershop, he’d chase them away with a straight razor. “Take it down the street!,” he’d yell. He could have been shot. But he’s a survivor. I remember.

More Erotic Tales From My Debauched Youth

I am far too busy feeling sorry for myself to write a fresh post. It occupies all of my free time. You’ll have to make do with another journal entry from 1992 when I first arrived in NYC. I was young, full of hope and not angry at the universe. The good old days.


July 14, 1992

Joan and Joel [Note: An older, wealthy couple who “adopted” me. Long, separate story.] took me out for my birthday to a nice restaurant on 89th and Broadway. I forget the name. They both keep telling me I’m working below my potential. What the hell am I supposed to do about that?! I don’t know how to do anything! After dinner we took a cab across Central Park to the East Side and went to their apartment for drinks. It’s spectacular. You can see the Park from their dining room window. There’s a baby grand piano in the living room and Joel played Duke Ellington’s Satin Doll while I drank a tumbler of scotch. It was a great birthday but it got better.

I was standing on the corner of 72nd and Central Park waiting for the light to change. I looked to my left, then to my right and guess who was walking towards me? Bonnie! How weird is that!? Her mouth dropped open in dramatic fashion when she saw me. I told her Joan and Joel had just treated me to dinner for my birthday. She wished me happy birthday and kissed me. She tasted like wine. She insisted on buying me a birthday drink at Café des Artistes, so we walked there and sat at the bar. She introduced me to some producers and theater people. That woman knows everybody in this town! I had another scotch and she had red wine and ate an artichoke.

We left, hailed a cab and as soon as we gave the driver our destination (her apartment) we fell into each other’s arms. We banged our teeth together when the cab lurched forward. It hurt but we laughed. She was in the Times yesterday about doing the new façade of Town Hall and was leaving on Thursday to supervise the landscape installation at Calvin Kline’s Long Island estate. I told her she should take me with her and she said, “Believe me, I thought about it.” But she said she’s got a lot of work to do and wasn’t sure it was appropriate. I told Ellis about all this and he said I should marry her.

Bonnie might be older but, boy howdy, she’s spirited. Every time I fool around with an older woman I’m astonished at how willing and knowledgeable they are as compared to the pretty, young, reserved waifs I’ve been involved with who know NOTHING about the science of lust. We rolled around on the sofa for a few hours. We’d stop and watch the Democratic National Convention for a bit, make fun of the speeches and then get back to work. I like how she wraps her body around me. She’s small so I can toss her around like a toy. She said she likes how I “handle” her. It was refreshing to have a hand down my pants that wasn’t my own. I almost finished during Mario Cuomo’s nomination speech but I made her stop because I didn’t want to make a mess all over her nice, leather sofa. I wish women were as easy to please as men. I did my best but she never got there. We were dressed and about to leave and I grabbed her, bent her over the drafting table in her living room and rubbed against her. It was fun. Like an amusement park ride. She didn’t seem to mind although I kind of wish she would’ve put up a bit of a fight. I’ll have to ask her how she feels about that.

I was there pretty late. She said she really enjoys our time together but we both agreed that as soon as we found someone in our own age bracket, the party would be over. I’m in no hurry. More birthdays like that, please.

July 18

I went for a bike ride over the Brooklyn Bridge, across West Broadway and into Tribeca. I love riding around Tribeca. It’s all warehouses and butchers. It reminds me of Cleveland and dad. There’s no traffic and the streets are still paved with cobblestone. It’s tough on my bike but it’s such a nice, quiet, empty neighborhood on Saturdays that I can’t resist. The bad part is that there’s nowhere to buy a Saturday New York Times. They should get some Bodegas down there!

[Note: 1992 was long before Tribeca became a highly desirable neighborhood. The real estate vampires hadn’t gotten their meat hooks into the meatpacking district yet.]

I rode north into Soho and finally found a newspaper. Soho is utterly confusing to me. I get lost all the time. I found a sidewalk table at a cafe on West Broadway, ordered a beer and shrimp salad with Thai dressing and read my paper. Halfway through my salad, Klinger walked by. He had mentioned that he was going to Paris this week. I said, “I thought you were in Paris?” He looked around, threw his arms up and said, “I AM in Paris!” See that…it’s all about perception. That guy makes me laugh. He was on his way to Fun’s apartment and couldn’t stay. She’s pretty. I wouldn’t have stayed, either.

I finished my salad and bummed a cigarette off the waiter. Austin and Ed walked by when I was halfway through my cigarette and the editorials. Austin said, “I thought you quit smoking?” I said, “I DID quit smoking!” I think those guys think I’m an idiot. A group of pretty, spoiled, rich girls sat at the table next to me so I had to stay longer than I had planned to eavesdrop on their conversations.


I had to pass through the Chrysler Building the other day. It’s ground zero for the art deco movement. Just look at these elevators. They’re spectacular works of art!

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According to the literature, they’re inlaid with Japanese ash, English gray harewood, Oriental walnut and Cuban plum pudding wood. Do those woods even exist or did they make all that up? It’s no matter. They’re lovely.

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