From Wikipedia:

In the fictional universe of Star Wars, Hoth is the sixth planet of a remote system of the same name. It is a world blanketed by snow and ice.

Hoth Schmoth. That place has nothing on New Jersey. We were hammered with a major blizzard last night. A state of emergency has been declared. The word is that New York City is also buried but I haven’t been able to get there to confirm. I couldn’t get to work and since I’m only a consultant—not a full time employee—I won’t be paid for today. They’d better get this mess cleaned up. I don’t want to miss another day of work. Also, I have tickets to an off-Broadway dark comedy/drama about a dysfunctional family starring Ethan Hawke and I don’t want to eat the tickets.

Here are the drifts that were right outside our door. It’s as though I moved to Colorado overnight, for cryin’ out loud!

I had to dig us out. This photo has a soft blur to it because Mrs. Wife took it from the warm side of our windowed storm door. It’s the most snow I’ve ever cleared in a single session. I popped my earbuds in, cued up Sandinista! by the Clash and got the job done. It was easy! It only took a four hours.

Daughter came out and “helped” me shovel but, of course, it didn’t last long. Her heart was in the right place but what 9-year old can resist the swansong of a deep snow drift?

This is the halfway point. Hour two. It was an astonishing amount of work. My neighbor in that house across the street owns a snow plow but in the nine years we’ve lived here he has never once offered to help clear my driveway or lend it to me. One time when I was stuck in the city, Mrs. Wife had to shovel the driveway. She had our then year-old daughter wrapped up in her stroller in the garage. After he finished his driveway, did he offer to help her? Nay. He did not.

I texted this photo to a friend of mine who lives in a tony apartment in Tribeca. I wanted him to see what moving to the suburbs could lead to. He texted me back from the warmth of the Dominican Republic, having escaped the city just before JFK was shut down. He was en rout to a small island in the Mediterranean with his heartbreakingly beautiful/smart Dominican girlfriend.

I will conclude this post without further comment.

I should have been posting these throughout the month but I got lazy. Here’s a whole pack of holiday images from New York.

It’s so easy to embrace Christmas in the city. There really are chestnuts roasting on an open fire! Turn a corner and you’re hit with the scent of pine from trees and wreaths beings sold on the sidewalks (seven foot trees are +/- $70). The big tree at 30 Rock and the big star over 5th Avenue. The Cartier building wrapped like a pretty package. ALL the windows are dressed; not just the ones at Lord & Taylor. A lot of people (most?) think it’s overkill and that it starts too early, but not me. I love it.

We still have these Salvation Army guys. This one was standing right in the middle of Times Square chaos playing Christmas carols on a baritone horn. You wouldn’t expect to hear such a soft, warm sound rise above the cacophony. Comfort and joy!

Macy’s: It’s not just for Thanksgiving parades.

NOT a shopping mall Santa.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself.

Nothing says Feliz Navidad like a festive holiday street meat cart.

If you’re coming to town and want to ice skate, forget Rockefeller Center. Get down to Battery Park. [Edit: This is Bryant Park. Not Battery Park. Some expert I turned out to be! THANKS, Sasho!] The rink there is larger, generally not a s crowded and the park is lined with stores selling fun holiday gifts. There’s also a cool little restaurant/bar (the structure on the left side of the pic). I took Miss Daisyfae there and we had a fine time. That’s the big public library behind the tree.

Streetlamps dressed with red bows and the Chrysler Building.

The Rockettes as ornaments. Step! Kick!

Truer words were never spoken.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, everyone!

Here’s my annual photo blast of the holiday windows at Lord & Taylor’s flagship store on 39th and 5th. They’ve been dressing their windows with special Christmas displays since 1914. The work is done below street level on platforms that raise into place. Lord & Taylor employees are allowed into the basement to preview the displays prior to the public unveiling. It’s nice that some prime retail window real estate isn’t used for product placement during the holiday season.

This year, they had the peculiar idea of having people submit their favorite Christmas memories and turned a select few into window displays. A pretty cool idea if you’re memory is chosen, but unless you’re Charles Dickens, I don’t give a fart how you spent Christmas in your youth.

The displays have a mostly contemporary look to them and are, for me, a bit of a disappointment as compared to displays of the past. I miss the detailed work and ambiance of the usual visions of Ye Olde Victorian Christmas. You can click on these to blow them up for a closer look.

Here’s the left half of a carriage house that’s right out of Architectural Digest.

Here’s the right half that includes the living space.

If you look upstairs, there’s a big 70s disco party in progress. Mirror ball and all! Remember when people use to remove the grill cloth from their stereo speakers to watch the woofers dance around? I looked closely for an authentic ’70s era bong but didn’t see one. Nor a lava lamp.

This is a brownstone exterior. It’s the kind of home I would love to live in, so I swooned and my knees got weak when it came into view.

The left half swivels opens to reveal the house interior. These displays always seem to have a disproportionate number of white people in them!

Here’s the left half of an apartment building with art deco flourishes on the façade. Downstairs is a 1950’s kitchen with vintage appliances and a mom cooking dinner while wearing a dress. See what I mean? White people!

Here’s the right half of the apartment building.

Here’s a short film that shows a 50’s family marveling at a wonderful new invention: television! Rabbit ears and all. The entire scene pivots to a contemporary family watching Rodolph on a big flatscreen TV. Finally! Integration takes root. Above them, Santa dive-bombs onto 5th Avenue.

Oh happy day
(Oh happy day)
Oh happy happy day
(Oh happy day)
When Jesus washed
(Oh when he washed)
When Jesus washed
He washed my sins away!

He taught me how
(He taught me)
Taught me how to watch
(How to watch)
He taught me how to watch
and fight and pray
(Fight and pray)
Yes, fight and pray

Oh happy day
(Oh happy day)

Traditional

Good news! The December issue of The Undie Press just posted with my monthly column on collecting rare 20th Century Literature, Books You Cannot Read. This month, one of the best writers that England ever produced (IMHO). Thank you, my Limey friends!

A gift for my readers landed in my inbox this week.

The producers of the new off-Broadway comedy Miss Abigail’s Guide to Dating, Mating, & Marriage starring Eve Plumb gave me four tickets to give away! All you have to do is click over to their site and tell me the name of Ms. Plumb’s co-star and they’re yours! (The answer can be found in the Cast and Creative link. So easy.)

I’ll send a voucher for four tickets to the first person who emails the answer to theunbearablebanishment.gmail.com. Four tickets = a $300 value! (The voucher expires March 1, 2011.)

If you’re too slow on the draw but would still like to see the show, you can get special discounted $45 tickets from their site if you enter the code DATING when purchasing tickets.

Happy Holidays, bitches. Don’t say I never gave you anything.