For the Easter weekend we drove down to lovely Arlington, VA to visit my in-laws. They live just across the river from Washington D.C. I’ve never see an area so saturated with traffic jams. And I live near New York City!

I wish I had a device in my car that would vaporize aggressive drivers on the freeway. I would only use it if someone really deserved to be vaporized. Just like my cell phone jammer. When I see a car fast-approaching in my rear view mirror weaving in and out of traffic, I get some very un-Zen like thoughts running through my brain.

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Saturday we took the kiddies to the Capitol building while waiting for the storm clouds to part. It’s the seat of government, you know!

We sat through a 13 minute film about the Meaning of the American Government. There was a stark contrast between the idealism portrayed in the film and the cesspool that Washington D.C. actually is. Frankly, I think the kids were bored out of their minds.

The architecture of the Capitol dome was quite nice.

And the sun finally broke through.

The baseball season is just underway and I thought it might be fun to take my family to Yankee Stadium to see my beloved Cleveland Indians (hopefully) pound the hell out the New York Yankees in this, the inaugural 3-game series at the brand spanking new Yankee Stadium. The Indians were instrumental in dismantling the Joe Torre dynasty and I hope they continue to be a thorn in the Yankees side for many years to come.

I hopped onto the Yankees site to shop for tickets. I had heard rumors that ticket prices were raised at the new stadium but was unprepared for what I saw. Just for fun I clicked on “Best Available Seats” as an option. Using that parameter, the four tickets would cost me a grand total of:

That’s not a typo.

Each ticket costs $2,625 and there’s a “Convenience Charge” (whatever the hell that is) of $59.70 PER TICKET. That doesn’t factor in parking or food or souvenirs.

They’re called “Legend Seats.” I guess that’s because only a fool of Legendary proportions would spend $10K+ to watch a fucking baseball game. Have they lost their minds?

The Yankees are owned and operated by the Steinbrenners—a family of greedy, bottom-feeding parasites. I can’t wait to watch the games on TV and see all the empty seats behind the Yankees dugout. Bend over and grab your ankles Yankee fans. Play ball!

7-Year Old Daughter attempts to unlock the mystery of unconditional parental love while I tuck her in:

“Daddy, will you always love me?”

“Of course, I will.”

“Even if I punch you in the eye?”

Daughter, you can punch me in both eyes. Just don’t break my heart.

If I find myself with a spare :20 minutes to kill and a church is nearby, I always duck in for a quick meditation session. I’ll say one thing about people in churches: they know how to keep their mouths shut. The silence is conducive to a peaceful meditation.

Our Lady of Pompeii is just off 6th Avenue in Greenwich Village. It’s an old school Italian church that contains many of the types of icons that drove me out of Catholicism many years ago and into the loving arms of Buddhism. I don’t have the right to call myself Buddhist yet but I may get there someday.

How is Buddha typically depicted?

An overweight, happy man. He wishes well on everyone, regardless of their theological beliefs. There are no sad Buddhas and no condemnation if you don’t follow him!

Christian icons? Lots and lots of pain and suffering. Here we have St. Lucy with this afternoon’s blue plate special: eyeballs of martyr. Does that come with toast?

Here is St. Rocco showing off his fancy open, festering sore on his leg. Yuck!

I’m not sure who this chap is, but someone better tell him that the top of his head is on fire!

He reminds me of Mayor Ralph Perk of Cleveland, whose hair caught on fire during a 1972 ribbon cutting ceremony when he got too close to a welder’s arc.

And here is Christ, dead in his mother’s arms. Just imagine holding your dead child in your arms! Horrible imagery. And remember, he died because you are a sinner. I’ll bet you’re sorry now.

The Christ in this statue has the bluest eyes you’ve ever seen. This pic doesn’t do them justice. They’re sky blue. What are the odds that someone who was living in the Middle East in the year 35 A.D. had Tiffany box blue eyes? Well, you have to play to your audience, I suppose.

And here is Christ carrying the cross in Louis XIV splendor.

Look, I don’t mean to poke fun (well, perhaps just a little) but the relentless negativity—the scenes of torture and mayhem—finally did me in. And they teach this stuff to children! Should a church look like a Halloween haunted house with scenes of gore and violence? Have you seen the Stations of the Cross? It’s not right. Count me out.

7-Year Old Daughter took my job loss pretty hard at first but since then she has gotten quite use to having my unemployed ass around the house. Both Daughters seem delighted. I love them but, honestly, I could use a change of scenery.

I walked downstairs in my best suit and tie and 7-Year Old Daughter asked if I was going into the city for another interview. I told her I was and that, hopefully, I would be back to work very soon.

She burst into tears. “I don’t want you to go back to work! I want you to stay here! Can’t you work in my school?!” Later, she said that she hopes I find a job, but not for the rest of the year.

God forbid.