Oh happy day!

Oh happy day
(Oh happy day)

Oh happy happy day

(Oh happy day)

When Jesus washed

(Oh when he washed)

When Jesus washed

He washed my sins away!

He taught me how

(He taught me)

Taught me how to watch

(How to watch)
He taught me how to watch

and fight and pray

(Fight and pray)

Yes, fight and pray

Oh happy day
(Oh happy day)


Good news! The December issue of The Undie Press just posted with my monthly column on collecting rare 20th Century Literature, Books You Cannot Read. This month, one of the best writers that England ever produced (IMHO). Thank you, my Limey friends!

Off-Broadway ticket giveaway! Just in time for the holidays!

A gift for my readers landed in my inbox this week.

The producers of the new off-Broadway comedy Miss Abigail’s Guide to Dating, Mating, & Marriage starring Eve Plumb gave me four tickets to give away! All you have to do is click over to their site and tell me the name of Ms. Plumb’s co-star and they’re yours! (The answer can be found in the Cast and Creative link. So easy.)

I’ll send a voucher for four tickets to the first person who emails the answer to theunbearablebanishment.gmail.com. Four tickets = a $300 value! (The voucher expires March 1, 2011.)

If you’re too slow on the draw but would still like to see the show, you can get special discounted $45 tickets from their site if you enter the code DATING when purchasing tickets.

Happy Holidays, bitches. Don’t say I never gave you anything.

Hut hut hut. And then, enter, stage right

Unlike Bloody, Bloody Andrew Jackson, which got a lot of hype and a lot of press but, ultimately, wasn’t very satisfying (for me, anyway), here’s a play that isn’t making a lot of noise but delivers the goods.


Mrs. Wife said, “Who are they trying to appeal to? Other than you, I don’t anyone who likes both football and theater.” And that’s a good point. A few years ago they had the boneheaded idea of turning Nick Hornby’a High Fidelity into a musical. It was a disaster. Rob, the protagonist of High Fidelity, is the kind of guy who wouldn’t be caught dead at a Broadway musical. Likewise, someone who watches the Green Bay Packers every Sunday isn’t likely to attend theater. But they’d be missing out on a compelling story that would mean a lot to them.

The play is filled with great performances and it absolutely deserves to be seen. It has a little to do with football and a lot to do with the relationship between legendary ball-busting NFL coach Vince Lombardi and his wife, Marie. Marie is played by Judith Light of Who’s The Boss fame and she nails her character’s sad resignation. Likewise, Dan Lauria, storming about the stage, is a convincing Lombardi. The supporting cast does fine work, especially Keith Nobbs as a young journalist who inserts himself into their lives.

A clippy :90 minutes with no intermission. A great venue with every seat close to the action. The actors leave all their guts on the stage. What more do you want, for cryin’ out loud?

All I want for Christmas is a benign biopsy

Last August I bumped my forehead. At least, I *think* I bumped my forehead. I don’t actually recall an incident whereby I bumped my head, but around that time a sore about 1 cm in diameter opened up on my forehead and it just wouldn’t heal. I went to the gym and after a vigorous workout it would open up. A stream of hot water would hit it in the shower and it would open up. I’d scratch it in my sleep and it would open up. This has been going on for four months.

When I was in Cleveland for Thanksgiving, my sister gave me a homeopathic beeswax ointment which did a pretty good job reducing the size, but it still wouldn’t go away completely.

Mrs. Wife finally put her foot down and insisted I see a dermatologist.

In walked this ravishingly cute, young Indian doctor. I glamored her with my witty barbs about the medical profession. We had a few laughs, some innocent flirtations and then she casually said, “Well, I’m going to take a biopsy but I can assure you that you have Basal cell cancer.” She explained that, fortunately, this is fairly common, does not spread and is easily treated. But it is a type of skin cancer and not to be trifled with, so a biopsy must be performed.

I told her that I’m Italian and the sun is supposed to be good to us Mediterraneans. She said, “Ah! But you have blue eyes!” I had to admit that I also have my rotten father’s Polish blood coursing through my veins. Thanks, Da.

She asked what SPF sunscreen I use when I go to the beach. I chuckled and said, “Sunscreen?” All the flirtyness got sucked out of the room. She got very serious, looked at me sternly and said, “From now on you’re an SPF 30 man. Do you understand?” She slapped a band-aid on my forehead and walked out of the room. I sat there like an idiot for a few minutes until I realized I was dismissed.

Test results are in a week to ten days, but I don’t think there’s much to worry about.

Is there?


Rub vigorously for good luck

The Time Warner Center is a huge shopping/ residential/ hotel/ entertainment complex located at the southwest corner of Central Park in Columbus Circle. It’s where Midtown ends and the Upper West Side begins. Think of a shopping mall just steps away from Central Park. There’s a Whole Foods inside.

It houses one of my favorite public artworks. On the main floor are two 12 foot statues of Adam and Eve by artist Fernando Botero. They’re big, smooth, bulbous black monoliths.

Here’s Eve. She has a very maternal look.

Here’s Adam. He has a special interactive feature that I’m certain Botero and the property managers of the Time Warner Center never counted on. It seems that the thousands and thousands of tourists who stream through the center have decided that rubbing his uncircumcised penis is good luck. So many people have done it, that the patina glaze is rubbed off and the underlying gold is exposed.

Clickable. If you must.

People are constantly having their photos taken while yanking Adam’s flaccid anteater. There’s an art dealer who occasionally applies a touch-up, but it never lasts. Do you know what I love most? Management approves! They have no intention of removing Adam. It has become a destination when visiting the city. America is such a puritanical country that I thought the reaction would be the opposite.

I’ll bet you won’t find that in the guidebooks. Snap.