the reason i hate confessions of a shopaholic

shop+posterEvery time I see a trailer or commercial for Confessions of a Shopaholic my fists clench, my lips stretch taunt against my teeth and my eyes roll up into the top of my skull. I am so annoyed that I vibrate.

It’s the “hilarious” story of woman so obsessed with shoes, bags and clothing that she becomes crippled with credit card debt. The character is vapid and I pray that I’m raising my daughters to be more thoughtful human beings. I hope they’ll never need a pair Prada shoes to feed their self esteem.

Then I remind myself that it’s only a romantic comedy. Not a documentary. I’m not even the target audience for cryin’ out loud! I wondered why I was giving a friggin’ commercial for a movie so much power over me.

So I meditated on the REAL reason why I was getting so angry. The actual reason for your anger is rarely on the surface. You have to do a bit of digging. And I had a spark of clarity.

I spent many, many years dating in Manhattan and overall it was a pleasant experience. But in New York City, the woman depicted in Confessions of a Shopaholic actually exists. I’ve always done okay for myself financially but I am not wealthy and never will be. When I would date a Shopaholic and it became obvious that my income was modest and always would be, I was dumped. I am almost certainly better off for not having fallen in love with someone of that ilk, but a rejection is still a rejection.

But remember one thing don’t lose your head
To a woman that’ll spend your bread

Every Picture Tells a Story
Rod Stewart

Having been kicked repeatedly over a number of years for the same reason has left a sore spot.

So I won’t see that movie. It’ll only stir bad memories of feeling inadequate. Plus it was produced by Jerry Bruckheimer who’s a shithead bottom feeder and I don’t want to give him my $10 bucks.

shop1

 

can someone please tell me the meaning of this?

A recent hit on my blog resulted from the following Google query from Osaka, Japan:

“heroin tickling”

On second thought, I don’t want to know.

a publicist’s wet dream

How do you score the cover of…

The New Republic
The Weekly Standard
The National Review
Foreign Press
Sister
Business Week
Entertainment Weekly
Newsweek
Newsweek (special issue)
Time
People
InStyle
Wine Enthusiast
Life (special issue)
Time (special issue)

…all in the same week?

covers

Easy.

You replace The Most Hated Man on the Planet as Chief Executive Officer in the Oval Office.

i’d like to thank the academy…

Do you read E over at *E* Deconstructed? She happens to be one of the brightest (as evidenced by a spate of recent impressive test results) most adorable (as evidenced by her occasional photo posts) bloggers in the either. Her taste is impeccable.

And she just gave me this here award.

Thank you, my dear. What a nice thing. I’m from the Midwest and graciously accepting a compliment is not something we’re very good at. Being comfortable with a compliment is a sure sign that you have grown haughty, so this is difficult for me but thank you.

As is required by law and as part of my budding participation in Buddhism I, in turn, award this prestigious honor to the following people who provide a seemingly endless stream of entertaining prose. If you wish, feel free to pass it on to others who are equally deserving.

daisy fae who is, after all, my blogmother.

nurse myra, who teaches me about medical things that you won’t learn in any University.

nuttycow, who was one of my first regular readers and the first person to correspond with me off line.

jo, who makes me wish the Themes Thames was outside my window.

fwengebola: Is it okay to laugh at your misfortunes? Because I do.

anniegirl1138: Perspectives on the writing life.

a free man: life in Oz filtered through American eyes.

and

my newest discovery, fuck you, penguin. At least one laugh in every post.

are you going to put that thing in your mouth? Part II

Yesterday I did a short throw-away post about a sandwich I like to have for lunch. (See photo below.) I assumed it was pretty much an Ohio/Midwest thing that would nauseate anyone who wasn’t from that area. (It did!)

In today’s New York Times Dining section, there’s an article about the recent peanut butter contamination scare here in the U.S. In it, they interview a customer at Peanut Butter & Co., a Greenwich Village RESTAURANT whose menu is made up of PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICHES! The customer is quoted as saying:

Even pregnant, she had no qualms about the safety of her grilled peanut butter sandwich layered with honey and bananas. “I think if it wasn’t safe they wouldn’t be selling it,” she said. “Besides, I just really wanted a peanut butter sandwich.”

Hey! That’s MY sandwich! It’s called “The Elvis!” (See menu.) Awesome! I didn’t know it had a name. Yes, Sid, we Americans can’t seem to get enough peanut butter. Don’t fight it.