[All I’ve got is a] Photograph

Posted on August 15, 2010 by Exile on Pain Street

Two days ago I was in the car and the local classic rock station played Def Leppard’s 1983 slog hit Photograph. I turned up the volume to extra-crispy and haven’t been able to get that lick out of my head since. I love it! And I’m not ashamed to admit it. Good cowbell. Here are a few random photographs.

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I was sitting on a park bench having my lunch and this lady sat down next to me and cracked open a Budweiser tall boy. I don’t suppose there’s anything wrong with drinking a Bud at 11:40 a.m.

…unless, of course, you’re about seven months pregnant.

Mrs. Wife was looking over my shoulder when I posted this and said, “Are you sure she’s not just overweight?” I’m no OB/GYN, but I know a thing or two about breasts and those don’t look like overweight breasts to me. They look like pregnant breasts. Mrs. Wife said, “I’ll bet she’s got a sad story to tell.” Are y’all having a good day today? If not, cheer up. You could be in a worse predicament.

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It’s August in New Jersey and you know what that means, don’t you? It’s LOCUST season! [Edit: CICADA. I stand corrected. See Ponita’s comment.] Go ahead. Click on it. I dare you.

Do you guys get these things? My finger is in the pic to give you a sense of scale. They’re big, ugly and, worst of all, NOISY beasties. Their drone goes on all. Day. Long. I hate insects. They make my flesh crawl.

By the way, that patch of brown, dry, dead plantation is my front lawn. We’ve had terrible heatwaves and droughts all summer long. This follows the numerous pounding blizzards we had a few months ago. Good thing we blasted a big hole in the ozone layer, otherwise we wouldn’t have this entertaining weather.

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If you scroll down, you’ll see three posts about some astonishingly good, home cooked meals I had while visiting Cleveland. This post is the antithesis of those meals.

I met a friend at an Irish restaurant called Harp. They serve the usual burgers and bar food that you’d see in any Irish pub/restaurant, but they also serve some (supposedly) authentic Irish dishes. I always go ethnic whenever possible.

I ordered a meal that I had never heard of. I’ve been asking around and, apparently, it’s more common that I thought. Have you guys ever heard of a boxty cake? It can be best describe it as an Irish burrito. It’s a massive potato pancake folded over with stuff inside. Harp serves steak boxty, salmon boxty, vegetarian boxty, corned beef boxty and chicken boxty. I had the chicken. Inside were sauteed mushrooms, onions and peppers with a sun-dried tomato pesto cream sauce. Sounds scrumptious, doesn’t it? Take a look:

It was truly awful. A massive, heavy, flavorless blob of food. That’s the corned beef boxty in the background. When I left the table, I didn’t think I’d have to eat again for several days. I’m hoping it was just ill-prepared and not always that bad. Put it on the list of things I’ll never order again right next to haggis and camel. (Yes, I ate camel meat once. It tasted kind of rancid.)

Back to the Garden of Eden

Posted on August 13, 2010 by Exile on Pain Street

I see faces and traces of home back in New York City.

Back in N.Y.C.
Peter Gabriel

I might do a another post or two about my trip to Cleveland but for now let it be known that I’m back in New York. My siblings and nieces are in Cleveland, my wife and kids in New Jersey, but New York is my home and it feels good walk though Times Square again.

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This giant (26 ft./8m.) bronze sculpture is Unconditional Surrender by Seward Johnson. It’s up through August 16th. How fun is that!

It’s a replica of the famous photograph taken by Alfred Eisenstaedt of a sailor and nurse kissing to celebrate the end of World War II. It was taken on August 14th, 1945—65 years ago tomorrow.

This angle makes it look as though Jay-Z is eavesdropping on a private moment.

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It’s not often I’ll see a play twice. There are too many out there and my funds are too limited to double-up on something I’ve already seen, but I made an exception last night for David Mamet’s Race. It’s due to close next week and I really wanted to see it with its new cast. As much as I enjoyed the first viewing, this second night was even better. The original cast did a great job, but I think the new cast is an improvement.

Ad with original cast

James Spader was replaced by Eddie Izzard. I’m a huge fan of Izzard and I’ll see anything that guy does. As good as Spader was, Izzard was even better. His delivery had more punch and he seemed more at ease in his role of an attorney caught up in his own prejudices. And he seemed much more comfortable prowling the stage.

David Alan Grier was replaced by Dennis Haysbert (of 24). Again, Haysbert had better command of the role. Kerry Washington was replaced by Afton Williamson, who I saw last year in August Wilson’s Joe Turner’s Come and Gone. Her’s was an angrier, grittier performance. Richard Thomas is a holdover from the original cast. After so many months, he has a sharper focus on his character, a clueless, wealthy, white man who stands accused of raping a black girl. Is he guilty? Can the truth be found with her red sequined dress? You have to draw your own conclusions.

I checked my notes and although I’ve seen several plays since April, this is the first full-blown Broadway production I’ve attended since then. It was nice to be in a big house again. Have I mentioned that it’s good to be back?

Unexpected expenses arise

Posted on August 11, 2010 by Exile on Pain Street

During the last 18 hours I spent in Cleveland visiting my family, the following happened:

I received a speeding ticket on I-480. Unbeknown to me, I was going 74 mph in a 60 mph zone. Cost: $155.00

4-Year Old Daughter landed on the side of her foot while on a trampoline. The initial diagnosis was a hairline fracture in her ankle. Later at the pediatric orthopedist, it was discovered she just has a bad sprain. She has to wear a boot and revisit the doctor in a few days. Cost: Still calculating

I received a phone call from an exterminator back in New Jersey. As we suspected, there is a carpenter bee hive behind our shutters. What is a carpenter bee? I don’t know. Cost: $267.50

I stepped in a pile of fresh, moist, squishy dog crap with my new (12-day old) deck shoes. They have a detailed and intricate tread pattern and because they’re so new, the treads are quite deep. I had to clean them out with a series of toothpicks. The worst part? 8-Year Old Daughter warned me it was there just :05 minutes prior. I hate dogs and this hasn’t helped matters. Cost: Approximately :50 minutes of my precious vacation time

The happy news is that we were undercharged for the hotel to the tune of about $87.00. So there’s that to be thankful for.

The REAL reason I visit my family. Part III: The Final Feeding

Posted on August 9, 2010 by Exile on Pain Street

Here is the final in what turned out to be a culinary trilogy of home cooking in Cleveland.My grandmother immigrated from Calabria, Italy, to Cleveland when she was a young girl. Her mother taught her how to make marinara sauce the way her mother made it. My grandmother taught my mom how to make it and my mom taught my sister. My niece is next in line and she had better get on it and, more importantly, get it right.

I cannot provide the recipe because I don’t know it. It’s a mystery that’s been passed through the generations. I do know that you have to make it many, many times before you finally produce a successful batch.

I also know that it’s made the day before it’s to be served and allowed to sit overnight. I don’t know the science behind why that’s done but the end results can’t be described. I’m not a good enough wordsmith to tell you how good this stuff is.

It goes without saying that Italian sausage and meatballs are made with the sauce. They are a meal unto themselves.

In addition to sausage and meatballs, she throws in a few neck bones. I’ve been eating neck bones for most of my life and have never stopped to think of what animal that tender, sweet meat is from. I think it’s a cow but I suppose it could be a pig. I honestly don’t know. I don’t care.

Neck bone before

Neck bone after

I asked (practically begged) my sister to whip up some sauce for my visit. Initially, I thought the heat of August wasn’t conducive to a heavy pasta meal but then I considered that they probably eat pasta in August in Italy. If it’s good enough for my cultural brethren, it’s good enough for my family and I.

Do you know what this tastes like? It tastes like home.

A little bit of Great Lakes lore for you.

Micro brewing is popular in Cleveland (as it is in most regions). The Great Lakes Brewing Co. makes a lovely Porter called Edmund Fitzgerald. It’s named in honor of the Great Lakes freighter Edmund Fitzgerald. In 1975, the ship sank in Lake Superior during a gale. It happened so quickly that a distress signal was never sent. She was just 17 miles from safe harbor. All 29 of her crew perished, with none of the bodies recovered.

When the wreckage was located, it was discovered that she broke in half. When I was in the Coast Guard, I remember reading the controversial investigation reports. There are some interesting theories about what would cause a ship that size to split in half but, to this day, they still don’t know.

The REAL reason I visit my family: Part II

Posted on August 8, 2010 by Exile on Pain Street

This probably isn’t going to have as wide an appeal as his bar-b-que ribs, but bro-in-law also knows how to glamor a package of bratwurst. Bratwurst, for the (unfortunate) uninitiated, are a German sausage that contains either veal, beef or pork. Or it could be all three for all I know. I’m not entirely sure, nor do I have any interest in finding out.

You could slap ’em on a grill and that’d be fine, but do you know what’s really good? Poke each brat 4x with a fork and allow those puppies to simmer for about :45 minutes in concoction of beer, onions and garlic.

At this point they’re ready for the grill. Put them over a hot flame until the skin becomes crispy. I like mine to be just a bit blackened.

Some common cheeseburgers were grilled for those who have more pedestrian tastes. Believe it or not, there are people who would turn their noses up at a grilled bratwurst. Like a certain wife I know.

All you need to do is drape a little Gulden’s Spicy Brown mustard on and THAT’S IT. They don’t need sauerkraut, relish, ketchup or any other condiment. You’ll ruin it. You don’t want to do anything to mask the flavor of the sausage. A little leftover potato salad and cole slaw on the side is highly recommended.