This weekend, 8-Year Old Daughter received her First Holy Communion. Longtime readers know that I am deeply suspicious of all organized religions. But this ceremony was a very big deal to my family. My sister drove down from Upstate New York. There was a large gathering at my in-law’s house. Pasta was served.

The last time my sister and I were in church together was for my mom’s funeral last year (almost to the day). It was pretty rough stuff. There were some tears. Mom loved the church so much. Not in the unkind “get saved or burn in hell” kind of way. She disagreed with some of its teachings. But she found comfort in the church and if it worked for you, welcome. She would have loved to see her granddaughter receive her First Communion.

I attended a parochial school until 4th grade. My mom and dad ran out of money and thereafter, we were sent to public school. When they first started to teach me about the body and blood and Christ, I was too young to know what a metaphor was. I literally thought that we had to eat flesh and drink blood. I remember seeing Fr. Tully raise the chalice to his mouth, drink, and a trickle of red ran down his chin. OH MY GOD!

I was ruminating with my sister on how each communicant looked like a little bride and groom. She correctly pointed out that this is the day when they marry the church. Can someone please tell me how I should feel about that?

I recently learned that the name of the city Corpus Christi, TX, means, in English, The Body of Christ.

Are they kidding? The Body of Christ, Texas?! What a terrible name for a town! It’s borderline sacrilege. Is there a sister city called The Blood of Christ, Alabama or Stigmata, New Mexico?

Actually, that would be a cool name for a car. The new Ford Stigmata with all wheel drive.

I walked out of a tony Manhattan high rise on 6th Avenue a few days ago. The building management was being progressive and insisted the people take their dirty old cigs somewhere else.

Within seconds, a small crowd gathered. They reached into their purses/back pockets, pulled out cigarettes and lit up. How cheeky!

I stood there for a bit and noticed a fairly steady stream of smokers lighting up near the “no smoking” sign. Do you know what I thought? Good for them! I use to smoke a long time ago and I feel some camaraderie with them. I get a bit sick of society treating smokers like criminals. They’re outside for Christ’s sake! Who are they harming? Does anyone remember smoking on airplanes? It’s unthinkable now.

People tailor the laws to fit their needs. And it’s not just New Yorkers. In New Jersey, nobody seems to feel that the law banning talking on a cell phone while driving applies to them. They think it’s for other people. My hope is that eventually, cell phones + driving is taken as seriously as drinking + driving. That’s one I can get behind. But leave the smokers alone if they’re outdoors.

Dear Greeks:

None of you pay taxes. Under some very flaky circumstances, you are able to retire as early as age 54. You’re country is flat broke and dragging everybody down, but you’re rioting in the streets and setting fire to banks because of the austere measures that need to be implemented.

Wake up. Get a backbone, you bunch of babies.

The Euro was a terrible idea. I have no idea what rational was used to persuaded an economic powerhouse like Germany to marry the Deutsche Mark to a bunch of lazy-bones like the Greeks, but in hindsight I’ll bet Deutschland would like a do-over on that vote. I know I would.

The Anthora cup, created by Leslie Buck.

3-Year Old Daughter: Daddy, do you sleep naked?

Me: Uhh-uhh-ummm…Why no! Of course not!

3-Year Old Daughter: Well, what do your pajamas look like?

Dang. Busted.

Your friends at your local New Jersey Bottle King…

Your discount beer emporium…

Would like to remind you that tomorrow is Mother’s Day. So…

Because that’s how we roll in The Garden State.

This gives me the same “where did we go wrong?” sensation I get when I’m in an elevator in Manhattan and see a man with meticulously manicured nails (including clear nail polish).

Those of you who don’t have a tabloid newspaper in your city don’t know what you’re missing. London had some pretty good ones. Do they have any in Australia? Here in New York, our tabloid is owned by multi-billionaire bottom feeder Rupert Murdoch. You won’t find headlines like this in the stately New York Times, Washington Post or Times of London:

This was published the day after senior Goldman Sachs executives were grilled by Congress about their shady business dealings. On first glance, I thought the headline referred to the parasites and bloodsuckers who run Goldman. I thought they were the Sacks of Shit. But I was mistaken.

This being a Murdoch publication, they were coming to the defense of their bed mates at Goldman. The focus of the article was on the numerous times Congress used the words “shit” and “shitty” during the testimony. Because that’s important. The crux of the story was to imply that Congress lacks dignity. The testimony contained a “sack of shits.” Arrgh. Fooled me again.

But I’ll have to admit, the cover is a classic. Right up there with their Photoshop mauling of Tiger Woods and the time they referred to AIG executives as a bunch of greedy bastards.