random nyc pic / born into the right circumstances

Posted on July 2, 2009 by Exile on Pain Street

This is the view out my office window. I work on the 7th Floor and this overlooks Lexington Avenue and 47th St. It’s a beautiful, old stone building with bold 2-story columns on the façade and ornamental turrets on the four corners.

A closer inspection reveals that this is a residential building, which is an anomaly in this neighborhood. This area, just north of Grand Central Station, is populated with office buildings. Some of the apartments in this building have beautiful French doors that open onto spacious outdoor decks that wrap around the corners.

During my workday, I occasionally stop to watch a woman carry a baby outside, put him/her in a swing and tend the garden. Here, she feeds the baby breakfast.

This kid is growing up in rarefied air. People who are this wealthy, who can afford to live in such splendor in midtown Manhattan, usually have more than one home. This kid will never have to worry about how to pay for college. I never went to college because I was broke. I think most folks believe that a college education is their God-given right. Well, it isn’t.

This kid will never know want. That’s not to say he’ll be trouble-free. But he’ll never know the financial struggles most of us have to endure.

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The café I’m posting this from just played the Annie Lennox cover of Bob Marley’s I Don’t Want to Wait in Vein. I’m generally not a fan of covers—the original is almost always better—but once in a while someone gets it right. The way she sings it, Annie sounds like she’s hurting for someone. I wish I could give her a hug right now.

the magical world of bobzyeruncle

Posted on July 1, 2009 by Exile on Pain Street

My old pal and wedding party alumni bobzyeruncle was in town from London last week. Bob carries an aura about him. He sprinkles pixie dust on the evening. When he was living in the city and I would get together with him, I would always end up meeting someone new or doing something I hadn’t done before or seeing someone I haven’t seen in a long time. He has a way of drawing people together. He can take a nothing day, and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile.

To report what we did isn’t all that impressive on paper. We met for drinks. That’s it. It was a small group and I had such a nice time. Mrs. Wife and I visited London in September and I hadn’t seen him since then so we caught up on news and views. He has a new fancy hair-doo. Nurse H was there, as was a friend of his who I know just slightly and someone else whom I had never met. The chemistry was nice and the conversation was easy.

That’s the way it’s always been with Bobzeruncle. If it weren’t for him I never would have started a blog (which has become my favorite hobby of all time). So you can blame him for this pit of grammatical mishaps. I doubt Mrs. Wife and I would ever have attended a drag show (and we’ve seen more than one!). We never would have met L, who I like quite a lot. They’ve been together for 17 years and can teach the “sanctity of marriage” crowd a thing or two about longevity. L is about to run for the sake of gorillas and would appreciate your support. We wouldn’t have traveled to London on those few occasions. If you’ve got a Bobzyeruncle in your life, then you’re one of the lucky ones.

random nyc pic

Posted on June 30, 2009 by Exile on Pain Street

This, believe it or not, is a section of the Berlin wall planted right in the heart of midtown Manhattan:

It was shipped over and mounted in a courtyard on 55th Street just off of Madison Avenue (I believe. Check me on that). You can eat your lunch and people watch just below a symbol of Eastern European oppression.

I remember when the Berlin wall fell. There were opportunists down on Wall Street selling pieces of rock that were suppose to be from the wall as paperweights. A lot of people bought them, despite the fact that their authenticity could not be verified.

* * *

I had a brutal workout this morning at the gym and was running late. I came out of the shower and took the corner a little too tight and a little too fast and smacked right into a guy walking in. He had a HUGE cock! And it was flaccid! I’m still pretty upset about the whole thing.

o, wretched new jersey

Posted on June 28, 2009 by Exile on Pain Street

Imagine; a sophisticated New Yorker such as myself trapped amongst the quiet, twisting side streets and emerald parkways of New Jersey. What happened to my city? Where can I turn for fulfillment, now that my Lower East Side apartment is gone? Why, just this past weekend the only thing I had to stimulate me was a trip to the shore on a sun-drenched, blue Saturday afternoon.

The boardwalk teemed with happy people. Laughter mixed with the sound of the ocean crashing on the shore. The beach was dotted with brightly colored umbrellas and you could smell the salt in the sea breeze. We ate beach food for lunch. Beach food is like bar food but much worse, which is to say, much better. Dippin’ Dots, anyone?

We brought 3-Year Old and 7-Year Old to the boardwalk amusement park. I took them for a ride on the toy train. I’m sure they’ll go through stages where they’re at each others throats but for the time being, they are the best of friends.

Sure, it’s cute. But where is the artistry in it? So common it’s cliché. I exercised some of my demons on the bumper cars. I taught 7-Year Old Daughter that you have to earn the title of King of the Bumper Car Highway.

It might look like fun, but how am I supposed to feed my cerebral needs on such meager morsels?

Sunday, another drearily clear, blue day with comfortable temperatures and blazing sun, we all went to a baseball game. There’s minor league park just a short drive away and although I’m certain that a game at a Major League park would prove to be a more intellectually fulfilling experience, this trifle is all I have available to me. 7-Year Old Daughter fruitlessly tried to explain the intricacies of base running to 3-Year Old Daughter.

They had excellent sight lines, but here was my view of home plate:

Another fine specimen from the Garden State. As the afternoon progressed, his neck took on the shade of a ripe tomato and the sweat dripped off of his earlobes.

There’s just nothing out here worth doing. It’s all so ordinary.

* * *

Addendum: I feel compelled to mention that this post is an exercise in sarcasm and my that critiques are purely tongue-in-cheek, in case anyone thought I was bent enough to not realize how good I’ve got it.

he ain’t no shakespeare

Posted on June 27, 2009 by Exile on Pain Street

South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford was busted for having an extramarital affair. His paramour lives in Argentina and he used taxpayer dollars to visit her, which he claims he is paying back.

I have less of an issue with the money than I do with the fact that this is the same motherfucker who demanded that President Clinton resign after his affair in 1998 and voted for three of the four articles of impeachment against him. Of course, he’s a Republican. No surprise there.

In addition to his moral hypocrisy, get a load of this creepy, cringe-worthy excerpt from his emails that were released:

“My heart cries out for you, your voice, your body, the touch of your lips, the touch of your finger tips and an even deeper connection to your soul.”

Oh, my GOD! I’m going to fucking PUKE all over my laptop! That is simply awful writing. Do women really fall for second-rate supermarket romance dreck like this? Ladies, if someone dropped that line in your email inbox, wouldn’t you and the girls wet yourself laughing? Or am I wrong?

If my writing ever gets that bad, can someone please tell me so I can shut down this blog and stop humiliating myself?