Monthly Archives: December 2009

It’s Christmastime in the city pt. 1

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I was arguing with myself over whether or not I should do any holiday posts this year. I got all wrapped up in trying to gauge whether or not anyone is interested in reading this stuff but ultimately I decided to do what I’ve always done—write whatever the hell I like and hope it amuses.

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Here’s the beautiful Bryan Park skating rink, all up and running. The building in the background is the back of the big New York Public Library on Madison and 42nd. The front of the building is guarded by two stone lions, Patience and Fortitude. Unfortunately, the statues are so old and frail that they can no longer hang big wreaths around their necks.

If you look in the upper left, you’ll see the neon-lit point of the Chrysler Building. The structure on the left is a 2-story restaurant/bar. You can get drinks and a not-too-cheap meal while watching skaters either glide gracefully or fall flat on their asses. It’s dinner and a show.

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Here’s the rink from another angle with the Empire State Building bathed in red. Come to Manhattan and you, too, can ice skate in the shadow of two of the most important architectural landmarks in the city.

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Behind these hallowed doors below the wreath you won’t find a bigger collection of thieves, vipers and swindlers. I’ve spent most of my career working for these clowns and I feel very different about them today than I did 18 months ago. 18 months ago I wouldn’t have referred to them as clowns. Santa will, inexplicably, be very good to them this year.

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The Vibrator Play

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next+roomYes, it’s a play about vibrators. Sort of.

In The Next Room or The Vibrator Play is Sarah Ruhl’s hysterical new comedy. Its true-to-life premise is a subject that’s begging for closer study by Nursemyra.

In the 1880s, shortly after electricity was brought into homes, doctors had the bright idea to use a newly invented medical device, the vibrator, to treat women for their hysteria. I’m not kidding! This really happened! The treatment, causing an orgasm, was looked upon as a purely medical procedure that had nothing to do with sex.

Ms. Ruhl cleverly and believably imagines what it must have been like for the early pioneers of orgasm creation in repressed times. The good doctor’s wife listens by the door as treatment is applied and begins to wonder what those strange sounds are coming from the female patients in the next room. And why do the female patients steadfastly insist that they are not getting any better and need the treatment to continue?

Ms. Ruhl’s habit is to name her plays exactly what they’re about. I saw her last play, Dead Man’s Cell Phone (a woman picks up a dead man’s cell phone that’s ringing) that starred my pretend girlfriend, Mary-Louise Parker. That one wasn’t nearly as satisfying as The Vibrator Play, but I was in the second row for Dead Man’s Cell Phone and almost jumped on stage to ask my Mary-Louise out for a drink.

For a good time, click here

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Tim Hall is, by my estimation, a writer who is deserving of a larger audience. He writes from the gut and has the scars to prove it. If you’re looking for some new literature to light up your holiday and make you laugh, you’re in luck. From now until the end of the year, you can get his books at 50% off. Click here and scroll down.

I recommend starting off with Full of It, the thinly veiled fictional story of the rise and fall of a Lower East Side underground newspaper and Half Empty, the story of a Brooklyn hipster who struggles with women and booze. Get ‘em.

Beautiful Radio City Music Hall

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A few weeks ago the whole clan came into the city for the big Radio City Music Hall Christmas Spectacular. Guess what? It was spectacular! If you surrender yourself to the spirit and leave your pretentious idiot self outside on 6th Avenue (as I did), you can really enjoy the show. Especially if you have a bunch of kids it tow. Their joy is infectious. And if you don’t want to relinquish your cool quotient, you can always appreciate the show from a design/production standpoint. It’s amazing to see what can be done with a big budget.The show before the show is Radio City Music Hall itself. It’s the cathedral of art deco architecture that opened in 1932. These photos do not do it justice. Here’s one of the lobby staircases leading to the mezzanine.

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At the top of the staircase is this grand mural. It works in concert with the murals created throughout all of Rockefeller Center. [Fun fact: Nelson Rockefeller had the Diego Rivera mural destroyed because he slipped the image of Lenin into it!]

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Here are two shots of the cavernous interior. How do you like that lighting? The spotlight is on one of the two “Mighty” Wurlitzer pipe organs on either side of the stage. As you walk to your seats, you are blasted with Christmas carols. You can feel the notes in the lower registers in your chest.

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Outside in Rockefeller Center, people flock to see the big tree. But by focusing on the tree, they risk missing the smaller touches, such as this stature of a beautiful (and, dare I say? erotic) naked nymph above the skating rink.

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Her hair has a distinctive art deco pattern to it.

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Stinking rotten happy ketchup face

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I was sitting at the counter of a diner reading the New York Times and waiting for my patty melt with bacon. Before my burger was ready, the waiter brought my plate of fries. In addition to the fries, this is what he placed in front of me:

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It defies commentary. I didn’t know what his game was but you can bet your ass I kept my eye on him for the remainder of my lunch. Fucking creep.

[EDIT to comments: It’s a joke, people! I don’t think he’s creepy for making a smiley face with ketchup. Jeeze! That sure fell flat. I thought I was being sarcastic and witty. I guess I’m no David Sedaris.]

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Do you like Sam Shepard? Well, if you have the money to do so, starting next month at the Atlantic Theater, you can see Ages of the Moon, the U.S. premier of the new Sam Shepard comedy/drama starring Stephen Rea and Seán McGinley. It played at the Abbey Theater in Dublin to superb reviews and a sold out run.

OR

You can see a revival of Sam Shepard’s A Lie of the Mind directed by Ethan Hawke and starring Laurie Metcalf, Josh Hamilton and Keith Carradine.

If you have the money. Shit.